Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Well is Dry

I’m struggling for inspiration.  It is a unique situation for me, I’m one of those writers who usually has a million different ideas in their head at any given time, bursting with stories and characters.  But for some reason, it’s all disappeared.  

I have no idea why the well has dried.  My creativity seems to have gone on vacation.  Characters stop by in my head but they don’t stay, their appearances are brief, giving me little glimpses of their story before fading away like the morning mist.  

The odd think is how little I miss it.  Writing has been my passion for the last few years.  It has supplanted many other things, making my other hobbies molder in the closet while my time and attention has been devoted to my writing.  

Kacey talked about her difficult writing, pointing to the length of time she has been writing and how her goal of being published is taking so long to realize.  I don’t think that’s my problem.  I wish in some ways it were.  I have two fulls out there, the lingering hope of getting an agent still gleaming dully in the background.  It isn’t writer’s block; I don’t feel frustrated by my lack of creative juice.  I do not sit for hours looking at a blank screen, flogging my brain into producing.  

My fear is that my creativity was linked to my depression.  I started writing when my second daughter was a baby.  It was a very stressful time in my life and I was going through some post-partum depression at the time.  Life continued its roller coaster and I kept writing, finding solace in the written word.  Now, having been on medication for a couple of months, I wonder if the odd chemistry in my brain was what created my stories and my characters.  I wonder if the medication I am on has changed me so that part of mind has shut down or at least slowed down.

If I am truly a writer, the creativity will return.  The characters and stories will come back, maybe altered, maybe not.  Surprisingly I am not too worried about it.  My subconscious probably knows something I don’t.  I am planning a short story for Halloween and have no concerns about writing it.

I will say, however, if I never write again, it is worth it not to feel the level of depression I was at before.