Now I'm Just A Writer That I Used to Know

When I first realized I wanted to be a writer I knew exactly what genre I wanted to write.  Big, historical romances.  I've always been a history geek and I was drawn to the big romances with super alpha heroes and women with big dresses to match their big personalities.  And so my path was chosen and I worked on my craft.  I have notebooks with historical notes, websites I know backwards and forwards, etc., etc.  I honed in on 18th century Britain and America for my stories and felt perfectly comfortable writing in the genre.

Historical Romance: its all about the covers

But people are dynamic.  We rarely stay with the same interests forever.  Those that do are lucky, particularly writers.  I discovered paranormal romance as a reader and loved writing it.  So I identified myself as a writer of contemporary paranormal romances.

...until I moved onto something else.

I found dark, urban fantasy and really grasped onto it.  I very much like writing in first person and feel I'm a much stronger writer when I follow that point of view.  It plays to my strengths as a writer and I have to say I had more success in writing the genre than any other previously.  So, I'm a writer of dark urban fantasy.

Dark Urban Fantasy heroines are not allowed to cover their midriffs

But wait....

All I would need is a pair of goggles and an airship to write in

Have you tried Steampunk?  Who couldn't love the combination of Victorian fashion and sensibility with clockwork technology and airships?  For me, I like the dark tensions that simmer below the controlled Victorian environment.  I'm attracted to the class struggles that a runaway industrial revolution can create.  So, I started working on a Steampunk novel.  And I really like it, lot of work because of the world building but it is fun to write.

Thus is my quandary as a writer.  I don't fit any definition and I've come a long way from what I started at as a writer.  Trying to find where I'm comfortable writing is not easy.  When I say I've not been writing it isn't exactly true, I've been writing quite a bit just not finishing.  Struggling to find the writer I want to be has been difficult.  That I can at least recognize this as a big issue for me I think is a major step to getting back into the rhythm of writing.

Excuse #213...It's HOT Outside....

You can feel the weight of your hair on your head.  Sweat stings your skin no matter what you do.  The smallest thing irritates you.  Its what heat does.

I don't know too many writers (maybe none) that wax poetic about writing in the heat.  Most of the time they  talk about how they snuggle up with a warm cup of tea and flannel pajamas to write.  The crackling fire in the background inspires them.  The gray clouds of a winter sky put them into a writing mood.

I'm not any different.  I remember when I started writing wholeheartedly I went to Mervyn's and bought thermal underwear, preparing for chilly days in front of the computer screen.

Writers are a persnickety lot.  They want things perfect.  And yet they write about imperfection.  They torture, punish, and all around work at making their heroes and heroines, make-believe people they profess to love, miserable. 

Perhaps perfect comfort is the wrong approach to writing.  Honestly, I write better when I'm upset or emotional.  Writing is cathartic and it puts my focus onto something else besides my own misery.  Not always do I feel like writing when I'm upset, but if I can, I am most certain to produce some great prose.

Maybe instead of looking to our physical discomfort as an excuse to not write, we should embrace it, take our own misery, magnify it, and pour it onto the page.  Wouldn't it also help us forget our own suffering?

I'm pretty certain Shakespeare did not have central air.  Rumor has it he didn't have a laptop or a PC.  Writers from the past certainly had it a lot more miserable than us.  So before you walk away from the computer screen, think twice, sigh, grab a big glass of ice water and write.

Why Couldn't You Write "50 Shades of Grey?"

How many times have you heard that from your non-writing spouse, significant other, mother, sister, uncle, brother, father, child, dog, cat, goldfish, etc.?

It makes you grit your teeth, doesn't it?  The fiction world is peppered with phenomenal bestsellers that leave the bulk of us scratching our heads.  I'm sure there are a lot of agents who watched the meteoric rise of Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" series who still don't understand it (I know I don't).  But these books really are the exception.  Its fate, luck, karma, what have you.

But it is hard for the rest of us.  We ask ourselves how come our book didn't do the same.  And it gets harder the closer you get.  Its a difficult, brutal business where too often you can see the brass ring but it is snatched out of your way before you can grab it.

The important thing is to not internalize these comments and make them our own expectations.  We fight enough internal demons as it is without absorbing external ones that have no basis in reality.

We need to remind ourselves of what we are good at in our writing.  We have to be proud of what we write and feel comfortable in our genre.  We also have to be realistic about the niche our books have in the world. I would love to be able to write the kind of books Nora Roberts writes.  Problem is, I don't like reading them so how could I write them?  I look at the books I do like and very few of those authors have the kind of success a J.K. Rowling or Meyer.

We also need to stamp down the jealousy bug.  Envy of another's success is a poison to our own writing.  We have enough negative energy surrounding us from the toils of writing without bringing more onto ourselves.  Its easier said than done.  We all want to be appreciated for our hard work and it seems so unfair when it happens to someone else.  But we haven't walked in their writing shoes and we do not know the trials they've faced in their road to publication.  I'm sure they would have similar tales from the trenches as you.

Its important to find your own measures of success.  Be warned, the non-writers in your life are not going to understand.  The support you find from other authors will help keep it in perspective.  Writing is an individual endeavor and the successes are personal for the most part.  But it doesn't mean you can't hope for the wild success of other authors, just don't make it your expectation but rather a daydream.  If it happens CHEERS!  if it doesn't BRAVO!  If you've accomplished the writing goals you've set for yourself, you have reached the pinnacle.

.....Not Writing is a Habit Too

I know a lot of writers make writing a habit, or at least treat it as such as a way of completing a project.  Its a good way to work in most instances, especially if you have no expectations of getting paid.  If we can attune our minds into the pattern of making writing a daily thing like brushing our teeth or making the bed.

But not writing is a habit too.  When we neglect a habit, another behavior takes its place.  If you quit making your bed, you might not bother to pick up your clothes.  You leave your clothes on the floor, it probably won't be long before the newspapers start piling up.  Eventually you have to walk sideways through your halls trying to get to the front door only to find people from Hoarders waiting to burst in and help.  I'm not going into what happens if you quit brushing your teeth.

The point is the more habitually we don't do something, the further we get away from the benefits the habit creates.  When I make my bed I'm more inclined to pick up my room or throw a load of laundry in the wash.  Good habits create more good habits.   With writing maybe a 3 page a day habit will lead to a 5 page a day habit or a commitment to a bigger project.

I've taken a couple of years off of writing.  I've played around with it from time to time but I've given it no commitment.  Part of the reason is that it seems so daunting.  Right now, 5 pages seems such a huge commitment.  Even 500 words looks like Mt. Everest.  At my peak I was putting out 85K words in 8 weeks.  But I built up to those numbers and I'm going to have to again.  For today, I'm going to count myself lucky to get this  blog post published.  Its writing and its the beginning of a habit.

This House Holds Secrets

Everyday when I take my kids to school I pass a house. To me it epitomizes the classic American house. Its the kind of house I fantasize coming home to as a child. There is probably always a fresh pot of coffee on and a pie cooling in the window. Crocheted doilies created by a long-dead grandmother cover end tables. Wedding and baby pictures decorate the walls. Its a Norman Rockwell painting come to life.

I think it hides the gates to Hell.

Its not that I'm subversive or have the strong desire to rip off the patina of suburban living to show the rot beneath. I'm not making a social statement; I'm not that deep. But I do love to imagine something dark and dangerous living in the middle of perfection. I like the edge of terror such images evoke. I think it also helps the reader get pulled into the story. If the scene is one they can imagine on their own, have a familiarity with, it brings them into the action quicker than if they have to structure the scene from scratch in their minds.

Sticking with a familiar world helps me with writing. I'm more of an action writer, the hallmark of my writing is usually a scene of violence to open the novel. I like to write action and dialogue. If I have to build a world from scratch I get discouraged. I worked on a steampunk novel and while building a world of airships and fantastical steam gadgets dressed up in Victoriana was interesting and fun, it was work. It felt ponderous for me. It held me back from the strengths of what I like to write.

But world building is necessary. I have abandoned a couple of authors I used to read because they didn't flesh out their world enough and stuck to pure action. Constant action with no tangible scenery becomes confusing and boring. Finding the right balance is tough. So I look to the familiar as a shortcut. Any modern tale I write is going to take place in California. It minimizes the research required. I also have enough familiarity with my home state to create a fictional town which still retains a sense of authenticity. Dean Koontz is good at this. He will create a fictional town but I can immediately get a sense of what and where the town is. I also like suburban settings because most of us have a sense of what suburbia is. It really doesn't matter the state and in some instances, the country.

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses when they write. There is nothing wrong with finding shortcuts to make your writing easier. Looking to the familiar to find inspiration and even cornerstones to a scene is writing smart. If it helps a writer pull their readers in and give them a connection to the story its all good. So when trying to find where the body is hidden, where the spy hid the flash drive loaded with state secrets or where the gates to Hell are standing, try looking next door.

....It's like Riding a Bike

Unfortunately, I've always been a bad bike rider. I dunno, when I was a kid I could ride a bike okay, I was never one for tricks or stunts. I enjoyed the basics, the feel of rushing through the air, my legs pumping to pick up speed, the freedom a bike gives a kid.

As an adult, well, bike riding takes too much focus. Its work. Insulated by youth, I never really worried about the cars around me when I was a child. Now, I'm constantly aware of the speeding vehicles and my own lack of skill on a two-wheeler. It takes all my concentration to remain balanced. The seat is uncomfortable and bike riding hurts my back (I fell down a flight of stairs in college and add childbirth to it, my back isn't the best).

So where am I going with this besides the observation that I should be kept away from anything with the word "Schwinn" on it? Writing works the same way for me. If you asked me to ride a bike from point "A" to point "B" I could do it. It would be ugly and I wouldn't enjoy it, but I could make it. If I did this everyday, I would get better. My balance would improve. I'd find a way to ride where my back wasn't achy. Eventually I'd go further and enjoy it.

Once you learn to ride a bike, the basics of it are pretty programmed in. You don't forget. For me writing is the same way. Tell me to write something and I can do it. I can get to point "A" to point "B." It might be ugly and I may not like it. But it would get done. If I write everyday, I will get better and would eventually start to enjoy it again.

For me, its getting the motivation to even try. How much do I really want to do this? Why do I want to start writing again? Is it worth the effort? I think I have to remember the rush of when I was writing everyday and working on a project. I have to remember the wild abandon I felt putting words together. I have to go back and recapture the feelings I felt much like when I was a kid riding a bike.

Like anything worth accomplishing, it takes practice. It takes work and it isn't always fun. As Susan and Toni its going to take some writing garbage first. And I think the blogging helps. I do believe the writing will come back and be as good or better than ever. Sadly, I don't think the same can be said for bike riding. Think I will stick to my car.

At a Loss for Words....

I'm literally at a loss for words. They have deserted me. Every thing I write is a struggle. From a simple email to a Facebook status, I'm faced with a blank screen and a blank mind to go with it. I open a document and the words scatter like cockroaches when you turn on a light. Last week I had a WIP open and I couldn't come up with a single word to push the story forward.

It's not writer's block. With writer's block I can see where I want to go, I can see my plot, my scenes, my characters, I just struggle with how to get it altogether. This is different. I have lost my vision. Story lines and characters have always come easy for me. Execution not always so. But now my mind is completely vacant when it comes to telling a story.

Disheartening? Yes, a writer who can't writer is an unhappy puppy. But mostly I'm angry. I'm furious that this has happened, that I've allowed this to happen. Yes, I do blame myself to some extent. I took a break. That's fine, but I should have made myself go back sooner. Like anything else, creativity must be nourished, it cannot be left to linger. Anything worth having, feeling, doing must be tended. If it is left to neglect, it withers.

I don't believe this vacuum is permanent. I've taken long hiatuses before. The writing comes back but it is much tougher than it should be.

So, my writer friends, what do you suggest I do to jump start my words and get me writing again?

False Starts & Expectations

Apologies, I tried to get my blog back up and a nasty piece of code made things difficult. My html skills are rusty so I had to send my blog to the creator of the code to fix it. But now things seem to be working. We shall see.



From looking at my blogs it seems like many people have been taking breaks from the blogosphere. For me its about expectations. I set them impossibly high for myself. Not in all things. I don't usually care about my appearance, those that see me on a daily basis can attest to that. I like a clean house but I'm not paranoid about it.



But other things....shudder...my expectations are sky high. Blogging is one of them. Hell, writing in general is the big one. If a blog post is less than stellar, meaning its not interesting or I'm not expressing myself well, I get bent. That wasn't the reason I started my blog, it was more of a place to spout my soapbox opinions to an audience of one. I'm far more eloquent when I write. When I speak I'm more of a cross between a California surfer and a truck driver.

Then I got readers and I felt obligated to make my posts more than what I intended. And that's not a bad thing. It's progression for me as a writer and the push made me a better writer. Plus it was fun. Eventually I burned out. I think most bloggers do eventually and I applaud those who are able to push through without giving up.

I feel like I'm starting from the beginning. Which is good, my opinions and perspectives have changed over the last five years and perhaps this break will produce something worth reading.

Today of All Days....

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't updated this blog in....oh, almost a year.

I wish I could say it was because of the glam busy life I've been experiencing or that I've written that bestselling novel or that I won the Lotto and took a trip around the world.

Nope.

The only really exciting thing I can say is that I got a new cell phone. A Droid. I have formally adopted it and changed my will to give it sole inheritance rights.

So why in the world would I just drop off the face of the earth? Because after so many years of maintaining this blog I ran out of stuff to say. I had nothing of value to add to the blogging world. I stopped writing and I really didn't want this to become a place where I bitched about the crappy things going on in my world. I've always tried to keep the tone of this blog upbeat and when every post I started was negative...well, I knew it was time to give it a rest.

I missed it and I missed all of you, but honestly, I needed a break. A total break. I toyed with the idea of deleting this blog altogether, but believe or not a couple of posts still get hits regularly. That and I knew I would regret it. My impulses have led me into regrettable situations so I try to thing long and hard before I make a move.

I'm still not writing and it makes me sad, but I'm hoping this desire to return to my blog will re- spark my need to write. I think it will.

Maybe this was the wrong week to restart my blog considering its Thanksgiving and my to do list is a mile long. But it is also the time of the year I seemed most mentally engaged.

Anyway, can't think of a good ending here, just glad to be able to put thoughts into words.

Other Places

I posted at two different blogs. I'm discusssing the blend of magic and history over at Ainsley Park the "Traitor to the Crown" series by C. C. Finlay. I also started a new blog which is more of a "mommy" blog. I like to share things about my kids, but I don't like sharing about them on this blog because, well, its mine and its about me and my writing. So I started Confessions of a Deranged Soccer Mom to discuss my kids and life as a parent.

Oh, How I Miss It!

My WIP languishes on my hard drive, ignored in favor of the business of the holidays. I yearn to lose myself in the world I created, to once again involve myself into the lives of the characters I've created. It seems odd in some ways because the book I'm working on is not full of cheer. I'm not writing a passionate love story or a screwball comedy. The world I created in my book is dark and full of challenges, where the characters are constantly put through trials which should sink any mortal. I miss it.

It really doesn't matter what the subject material is, only that I've created it. No one makes a move unless I say so. I am in command. This time of year, I am carried away by the tide of reality, hanging on as best I can. The holidays are a frenzied time of year and it isn't necessarily a bad situation. It does remind me of what is really important. As much as I am a writer, my role as mother takes precedence. I enjoy it, but it keeps me in a constant spin. Even if I had the block of time to write, my head is buzzing with so many other things, I'm not going to get much done.

Being a writer isn't a static condition. We constantly evolve, learning more about ourselves and our writing behaviors as we go along. I think we often fear we possess only a finite well of creativity which will fade away if we don't nurture it. Last year I think I would be gnashing my teeth, terrified the desire, will and ability to write would disappear because I chose to bake cookies instead of doing a set number of pages. As I discovered, it doesn't. This year, I realize there are so many other joys to experience which I believe will help my writing in the end. I'm enjoying the thrill of watching my daughter play soccer and basketball. I'm enjoying the fun of dragging my son out at 4 a.m. to go Christmas shopping. I'm enjoying the delight of helping my other daughter bake gingerbread cookies. Not all of it is fun, I will say. The obligations I have with regards to my kids activities can be aggravating, but they are important, just as important as my writing is at this point. I'm under enough tension as it is, adding the guilt of not writing is one I don't need to indulge in. My book will be there after the holidays and I won't be under nearly so much stress. I will enjoy the moment when I can sit down and truly write again. It gives me something to look forwards to.

NaNoWriMo: Down the Drain....

Last week ended my dreams of a NaNo win. Disheartening, but stuff happens.

The problem with being a writer, a mother and a wife is that the priorities are constantly changing. It is something I accept and unfortunately writing often falls into third place. It doesn't depress me, I'm realistic. When I married and had children, I was joining into something else, into a unit which takes precedence over my individual wants and needs. Writing is a personal thing for me, it is something I do for myself. No one else in the family understands what it means although they try to support me where they can. But not at the expense of the family.

I know it sounds bad, I find writers very protective of their writing and believe it should take priority over other things. I think that works for some people. It never has for me. My own personality contributes to this. I can't write in chaos thus my house has to be clean. I have children in too many activities and I insist in participating in them. If I'm going to commit myself to such, then I have to be prepared to put my writing aside.

And yet, I still see plenty of opportunities I had to write. I still need to be more productive with my time. I get distracted. There were plenty of moments where I could have pounded out a few hundred words. But I just didn't want to. With two birthdays to celebrate, three soccer practices, a baseball practice, laying sod in the yard, Cotillion, soccer games, baseball games, a baseball party and a birthday party to organize all in one week, I found it hard to concentrate.

But that wasn't the kicker. Losing power for 24 hours was what finally did me in. Tuesday night I had plans. I'd spent all day running errands and preparing for the week. My husband had a meeting that night so I knew I'd get two solid hours of writing time. Things were smooth. Until the lights flared in my house then went out completely. A transformer blew on the poll outside my house leaving me and two other houses without power. The electric company was out all night getting it fixed. The surge screwed up the main switch to my house so I had to get that repaired before the power would come back on. It put me so far behind and I couldn't write (no, I don't hand write, I'm too slow). So I give. I'm going to keep writing this week and see how much I can get, but Thanksgiving is this week and I'm hosting so I'm going to have to work on that.

Anyway, I wish the best to the other NaNos and hope they all get their 50K in. Its quite the accomplishment and I'm cheering you all on.

Tough Going

Ugh...I didn't think it would be this hard.

My word counts aren't what I'd like them to be. It isn't my WIP's fault, I'm in a meaty part of the story where the words should flow easily. It isn't a lack of time. I've had plenty of time to get writing done. I have made the mistake of saving some of it for evening and have been too tired to pick it back up.

Mostly its focus. My daughter has been sick and spent the first four days of the week at home. She finally went to school today. She isn't a bad kid, but she was restless. And knowing she was in the house interfered with my plan as it were. I'm not sure why, but just having another presence in the house was distracting.

In truth, I'm a little slow out of the gate anyway. My big word weeks are usually the last two of the month. But still, I had a plan and I'm unhappy that my plan is going the way I want.

But we adapt and I haven't given up. Just wish something would kick me and get me going.

Happy November!!

Today begins the madness that is National Novel Writing Month. Writers everywhere are feverishly pounding out words as fast as they can in an attempt to write 50,000 words before the end of the month. It averages to about 1667 words per day. I've set a goal of 1800 words a day. My plan is to do three sessions a day at 600 words per session. As I've said previously, my life is too hectic to sit and write in one sitting. Plus, I get antsy.

Every NaNo participant has their own game plan. They all have their own motivations they call upon to help them through. I've done this a couple of times although I've only won once. And each time is different. There are a couple of things I've found which help me succeed.

For me, I cannot start a new project. I have to be knee deep in a project in order to get the acceleration it is going to take to get the writing done. Too often, those first 5000 words are slow and difficult. I've started a book from the beginning for NaNo before and I ended up stopping midway through the month. The MS I've chosen to work on was at the 40K mark on October 31st, I'm hoping this month will get me to the end.

I think that's another thing which works for me. I don't want a mere 50K words, I want the end of the book. If I finish this book at the end of November, I have the holidays to clean it up and have it ready to submit. It's a great movitator.

I also plan rewards. If I get my 1800 words done, I have the freedom to do whatever else I want. Usually that is mindnumbing video games. I'm lucky that most of my shows are on hiatus for the first couple of weeks of the month so I'm not so tempted watch t.v.

Reading is a big part of my NaNo regimen. I need to find time to read. I'm not sure why. Perhaps reading reminds me of the final product. It reminds me why I have joined the madness.

Mostly I strive to make this month about the joy of writing. I'm trying to make writing an integrated part of my life rather than a seperate situation. I want to give it the same importance I give everything else.

Those of you who do NaNo or any other time of challenge-based writing project, what do you hope to gain from the exercise?

Crazy November

Next month is probably the craziest month of my year. There's Thanksgiving, both of my daughters' birthdays, the end of soccer season for one girl (which means a party), the end of baseball season (which doesn't really have a party but we tend to do something informal) and the beginning of basketball season for my older daughter. Plus there are a couple of big school functions and the usual things like homework and projects to go along with it. And then there's NaNo. National Novel Writing Month is an event which runs the entire month of November where writers try to write 50,000 words in thirty days. It gets insane. All levels of writers participate and I know a bunch of you are religious about the experience. I've done it a couple of times, I won in '06. It was the only time I have won and I think I understand why.

So I'm sure some of you are wondering why and how I'm going to do this. As to the why, I have several reasons and not all of them are writing related. First, I want to get this book done. My prediction is that I will hit at least 40K by the end of October on my WIP. If I'm focused, I should be able to finish it in November. Second, I give myself permission to put my writing top in my attention. And third, because of how hectic my November is, I need the escape of my writing. I'm not one to relax in a bathtub or take a "me" day. My novel is where I find my vacation. But NaNo requires a commitment of about 1500 words a day which is less than relaxing. So I have to plan it.

I created a November binder. I printed out calendar pages for each day of the month and put them in my binder. I've got a pad of sticky notes and a pencil ready to jot down any notes I need. Next week I'll go through and write in the times I have obligations and work around there for everything else. It means I need to schedule my writing. I need to be able to look at a day and find the time I'm going to write and make that a commitment.

I also decided I need to make time for exercise. Honestly, I don't like working out. I'll do it because I find my brain works better if I've got my blood pumping. Also, I'll have a boatload of Halloween candy around me so I'll need to work it off.

I have the advantage in that I'm a stay-at-home. Its also a disadvantage because I have a hard time saying the word "no" when asked to help. Did I mention I'm also the chairman of the food committee for the 8th grade party this year?

Are any of you planning on doing NaNo? If you are, have you mapped out any strategies to help you succeed in your goal? I'm organizing a small group of fellow mom-writers who want to do NaNo so I'm hoping that will help keep me motivated. I'm thinking of finding a reward for myself. I think I bought myself a video game when I won last year. Any thoughts? Oh, and my NaNo handle is Renered1 if you want to buddy me.

The Darker the Better

I’m not a cruel person although I’m sure my children would disagree.  But I adore nothing more than torturing my characters.  I kick them when they are down.  My heroine in my current WIP has been through hell.  Her life is in shambles.  So now its time to kick her in the ribs.  And I smile as I do it.

Am I sadistic?  Not really.  But tough situations show off the mettle of a character.  If your character can live through the difficulties you throw at them, then they are well-drawn. 

Its a good test of your characterization.  If you can put your character in an impossible situation and write them back out, the character is solid.  I find writers tend to back off when the going is really bad and let off the suffering.  I think it relates to a fear of what the character might do and how much it will change them.  I just finished a book this morning where nothing really bad happened.  At the end the heroine was kidnapped and nearly raped.  Well, not really, because the hero’s brother was right there to rescue her.  Would this situation do anything to disrupt the relationship? Nope.  And at this point, the hero and heroine were already engaged.  Would the heroine  be so traumatized by her experience it would cause her to withdraw from her lover?  Nah.  Would the hero be so disheartened because he was unable to protect the heroine he would pull away?  Of course not.  After a lovey dovey scene, things were alright.  How boring. 

I like my characters to pull themselves out, to find wells of strength they never knew they had.  Black moments are the best way to do it.  These horrendous situations strengthen characters, add dimension and give the writer more to work with, making the story more compelling.  I think sometimes writers don’t want to go down the path of cruelty for fear of what they may find within themselves.  How can a person create such vicious and cruel situations and not be unscathed themselves?  Or maybe the situation will make the character do something sinister to survive.  I think sometimes writers shy away from scenes that may require their hero or heroine to do something wicked. 

I finished another book where the hero is constantly thrown into horrible situations with no foreseeable way out.  And yes, he does end up doing things which are not nice.  And yes, it does change his character, but it makes him more compelling and more sympathetic.

Black moments both physical and emotional are chances for a writer to shine.  They are tough, require focus but are, in the end, rewarding and add depth.  Embrace the darkness.  You’ll be happy you did.

Body Image

Once a year or so the media gets onto an images kick. Usually it is from some event. This time around it was Glamour's use of a plus-sized models. On top of that was the Ralph Lauren debacle. Everyone is demanding regular sized women should be featured. Girl's self-images are being distorted by the pictures they see in magazines.

Really?

If a young woman is basing her self-esteem on an image of a model in a magazine, there is a lot more going on.

When I was first in college, Jean Kilbourne lectured about the images of women in the media. Not just weight but also the need for perfection in every way. I took it to heart. She made some brilliant points and I think there was a lot of truth to what she said. That was over twenty years ago and honestly, I haven't seen any change.

I'm not saying that the images of women in magazines are okay, I'm saying that these images only hold the power we give them. Women have been seduced by fashion since the beginning of time. We love pretty clothes, awesome shoes and glittering jewelry. We like to be attractive. Its natural. But our exteriors are the least of our personas. They can change with our choices. They change with age. True beauty really is what is inside of us.

Yeah, a platitude which seems empty. But I'm not talking about sweetness and light. I'm not saying we need to be Mother Theresa's inside. But I do thing we need to encourage our daughters to develop themselves in as many ways possible. Sports, art, music, academics, all of these areas are based on our own abilities, our own efforts. Models are born models. They are the result of genetics. For the most part, they've had very little to do with their own persona. And with airbrushing and photoshopping, the women who pose in those pictures are not the women displayed in the magazine.

Truly, I don't think it is Vogue's or Glamour's or any of the other magazines job to build up self-esteem. They are in the business of selling ad space. I don't think most readers of the fashion magazines have any pretentions of wearing the clothes they see. Even if we were all a size 0, how many of us are willing to spend $500 on a pair of jeans?

The photos aren't going to change. Despite the protestations, women are still buying magazines. Women are still buying the items advertised. It doesn't mean they are obsessed with the images they see. It doesn't mean they want to be just like the girls in the magazine. They like the pretty clothes, the awesome shoes and the glittery jewelry. And if they can't have them, they like to look at them.

Yes, there women who are influenced by the images. There are women who suffer with dieting so they can fit in those clothes. And I'm not confusing this with eating disorders. Girls I knew who had eating disorders had much bigger problems than pictures in magazines. But I do think we have a society which does tell us to focus on ourselves. Women who can afford the designer clothes which are being shown in these magazines need to find a hobby which takes them out of themselves. They focus on their image because (I say this cynically)they have nothing else to worry about.

My point is we should worry less about what the media says we should be worrying about. Your body image is only going to be what you let it. No one can tell you what to think about yourself. Looking to a magazine for negative and positive images is a pointless exercise. So what? Glamour is showing "real" girls. Still, they have little impact on me. My self-image is what I see in the mirror. I'm not looking for a Vogue model, I'm only looking for a person I am comfortable living with.

OHHH...I almost forgot!

I have a new post on my other blog. Check out my book review for Soulless at Ainsley Park.

Character Assasination

The other day I was trying to find information about a person whose name was in the news. Who it was isn't important but what was interesting was what I found out. Or rather what I didn't find out.

Everything I read either demonized or lionized the person. They were either a minion sent from Hell to drag down the pillars of society or they were a beacon of goodness, a lighthouse of virtue illuminating the word in warm wisdom. Nothing in the middle. After awhile I grew bored.

Extremes are boring. I know, in our high concept, punchy entertainment world, we are flooded with extremes. But nothing is ever pure evil or pure good. The world is imperfect. That doesn't stop us from making categorizing things as either good or evil, our news media, which should be objective, is pandering to public excitement. Its dangerous and does nothing to help situations. And its boring.

Fiction is riddled with extremes. Too often writers think if their hero or heroine isn't all good, the readers will dislike them. I find the opposite to be true. If they have no moral conflicts, they are two dimensional. I have no interest. And not just a moment of rudeness, it needs to be something more. And a reader may not like it, but they will keep reading to see what happens. Same goes for villains. A villain who is evil for evil's sake is dull and not particularly frightening. Its like one of those rubber Halloween decorations which moves if you walk by it. Startling the first moment but quickly grows boring then annoying. Psychotic behavior is fine for a 90 minute slasher movie but stales in a novel.

It isn't an easy line to tread for a writer. Right now I'm in the midst of a scene between a villain and the heroine. I want my readers to hate the guy, but I also want them to understand why he is the way he is and that he does have a reason behind his actions. I want the reader to like my heroine, but I also want them to realize the reason she is in this situation is due in part to her short-sightedness and an arrogant dismissal of the truth of her world.

Dialogue has been my best friend in this situation. While there has been some physical violence, my villain's words are what are the most chilling, particularly since they make sense. Inner dialogue on my heroine's part has helped as well. She processes what he says and it terrifies her. He has ripped away her illusions and shown her just how ugly things will get. She is broken and hopeless now, almost to the acme of the black moment. Part of the darkness of that moment is that she put herself in the situation, giving the villain all the ammo he needed without his having to do a whole lot.

I think this ambiguity with villains and heroes is why urban fantasy is so big. Vampires, the scourge of folklore, are given new dimensions by writers, showing them in unorthodox lights, giving them shreds of humanity. Heroines who make their living killing things and yet are still the good guys. Lots of moral conflict.

Pay attention to the light and dark in your stories. Its easy to make everything good and evil, but its dull. Moral complications are far more interesting.

Has it Been That Long?

I didn't plan on taking a hiatus from ye olde blog, it just kind of happened. I won't bore anyone with details, nothing of any import happened in the last month. But the beginning of fall is a crazy time around my house. With both of my girls in sports, I find mos of my day tied up in trying to get stuff done before practice. My hubby coaches my daughter's soccer team and her baseball team. I am the team mom for both of my girls' soccer teams. Our weekends are spent out on the fields. And while I enjoy the activities, it also sucks the life out of me. I'm tired. Those of you with young children who think the hard part is when they are babies, hate to break the news.... My life is so much busier now that the kids are older.

Anyway, boring, boring, boring. I have found out something intersting, however. If I'm not blogging, I'm probably not writing either. I went a month without working on my WIP. Not good considering how fast I came blazing out of the gate. So October 1 I joined into a Novel Push Initiative. Its simple, I shoot for 250 words a day. If I know that's all I have to do, it makes it easier to accomplish. Most of the time I manage more although the weekends I'm lucky to get anything done at all. But it is a start. I'm full of plans to participate in NaNoWriMo this year so I want to get my writing muscles in shape.

Hopefully I will be back to daily blogging. My brain is finally starting to function again and I'm able to put thoughts down on the computer.

Come Take a Trip on my Airship

I woke up one morning and saw in my mind's eye a young woman standing before a massive pair of ornately carved doors. She was nervous, smoothing down the fabric of her new walking dress, intimidated by the sheer size of the home she was about to enter. The skies above her head are a dun with soot, smoke and steam. All around her are tall buildings, each with an airship port and the streets are crowded with steam-powered trolleys and bicycle-based taxi cabs. Neither she nor I knew why she was there, but I did know it has something to do with the world which had exploded so brilliantly in my head. As soon as the door opened and she saw the massive clock in the middle of the room with its shiny bronze gears I knew what was going on.

It was a steampunk story.
Crap.

Couldn't be an 18th century romp or an urban fantasy tale, two areas I am exceedingly familiar with. It couldn't be filled with fae and magic or highwaymen and aristocratic ladies. It had to be a whole new world I needed to create.

I like world building although I find it tricky. As a writer, it is essential to get in enough info to imagine your world to your reader without boring them with an infodump. It doesn't matter what your setting is, you have to make it vivid for your reader. Its doubly tough if the world you building doesn't exist.

I have that strike on me. Next, steampunk is its own full fledged subculture. It has conventions. It has shops. It has websites galore, all with people who do more than dabble. I have to admit, I feel like the new kid at school, worried that my shoes are wrong or that I've done the unpardonable faux pas that will never make me any friends. I'm not ignorant of the movement but I'm certainly not a practitioner. My subculture now is the soccer/baseball mom crowd.

But I'm a writer so I must follow my story where it goes. And if it is steampunk, then I need to make myself familiar with those elements. What I don't want is a story which is based on buzz words. I ask a lot of whys. I want logic in my story and I want the plot to include the elements of steampunk rather than be window dressing for dirigibles, goggles and steamworks. My world has a Victorian flavor, I like the structure of the Victorian view, I like the attention to manners and behavior, a beautiful, fragile society ripe for destruction by a subversive element. Or at least a serious disruption.

I'm having a lot of fun with it. I'm a writer because I enjoy it. I love delving into another world and immersing myself into a place so different from my own. And while I have been researching, I've discovered some great music, a new author I'm eager to read and jewelry I could go broke on. So its all good.

Have you ever been struck by a story but been intimidated by the setting? Did you pursue it or did you decide it was too much to handle?