Monday, December 19, 2005

Wild Kingdom

This is me

This is my children

I remember watching "Wild Kingdom" as a child. Marlin Perkins would point out the weak wildebeest with the vicious predators chasing after it, conveniently cutting to commercial just as the animal was about to meet its bloody fate.

Well, I know what happened during the commercial.

Being a sick mom can be likened to the life of a weakened wildebeest. The predators know that the creature is feeble and cannot fight back. So they take advantage. They do all they can, herding it into a corner before they pounce.

"Mom, can I have (name of some candy I'm going to say no to)?" And then proceed to get it themselves. What am I going to do? Get up and chase them?

"Allison got in the pantry and is using your flour bin for a sandbox?"

"Mom, Allison peed all over the carpet."

"What's for breakfast, snack, lunch, dinner, dessert?"

"Can we decorate the tree now? Why can't we decorate the tree now? I really want to decorate the tree NOW!!!!"

By the end of the night I just want to ingest large quantities of Benadryl and slug down a hot buttered rum and hope I collapse into an anahistamine coma.

Don't these kids realize I am going to get better? Considering it's a week before Christmas, you think they would be smarter than this. The wildebeest will rise again, only this time with fangs and point horns.