Sunday, January 07, 2007

Take Me Away!!!

I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm not. I feel like the world is crushing down on my shoulders and it isn't. My burdens aren't particularly burdensome, but I can't help feeling like everthing is spinning out of control.

The feeling of being overwhelmed is a warning sign for me. I suffer from depression, enough so that I went on medication to get it under control. Over the last few months I've weaned off from it and I've figured out the warning signs. I really don't want to go back on the medication so I need to find some strategies to circumvent the problem.

My biggest problem is the upset in my routine. I'm a complete panster when it comes to writing. I'm not organized, I do not plan my writing, I don't do goals. But in every other part of my life, I have to be ultra-diligent, its something I've learned over the last couple of years. I miss my routines but I know how tough it is going to be to get back on it. I will probably get my Flylady control journal for a week or so until I feel more comfortable in my routine.

I really don't like being on a schedule for anything, I'm a flighty Gemini, a capricious sprite (well, maybe not) but you get the idea. I want to make my own kind of music, sing my own special song (quick, who sang that song?)and not bow to the dictates of responsibilty and adulthood. But I can't keep my sanity and be a free spirit at the same time.

AND to make matters worse, I installed a new wireless network at home. My old one was breaking down and dropping the various machines in the house from the network. It works great on all the machines...Except for one, mine. I know it is probably some little firewall or configuration issue, but I can't figure it out and I'm ready to howl.

I try to look at it as being an omen that I spend to much time online. I probably do, but man, I hate to be thwarted and I miss my connection.

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