Thursday, July 13, 2006


I went to the salon yesterday and had my hair colored. It's my only vanity really. I'm not sure that I do it for vanity's sake or out of habit, I've been doing it for so long. But I love watching the women in the salon both the employees and the customers. They are so intense about appearance. I don't remember ever being that concerned about my appearance. I know I was at one point and I wonder what has changed.

I rarely wear makeup and I'm generally dressed in ratty sweats or shorts with my hair pulled back into a pony tail. When I worked I did the bare minimum to look presentable. I didn't take any delight in the clothes I bought for work, they might as well have been a uniform. Now, I'm trying to lose weight. I've been pretty half-hearted for the last ten years because it was an appearance-based issue. Now that it is a health issue, I'm taking it far more seriously.

When I was single, I was obsessed with my looks. But after marriage and kids, my interest has lessened. I don't look in mirrors. Is this healthy? I'm not sure. I think there is balance. By ignoring my appearance, I'm also ignoring a part of myself. I pushed it behind me as unimportant. While I have never based my worth on my looks, I did gain some pleasure from looking good. The very steps we take in making ourselves look good often make us feel good. Brushing your hair can be so relaxing. Facials can be soothing. Taking the time to put lotion on is a sensual experience which pleases the senses. Maybe in some twisted way I don't take time with my appearance because that would be an instance of me putting myself first. Perhaps my martyr gene is kicking in and forbidding me from taking center stage in my own life.

I do purchase "Vogue" now and again but it is for research for my writing. I may not be interested in my appearance but I am interested in my characters' looks. While my characters are a lot more than pretty faces, they need to be attractive. I'm aware of that, but I don't seem to apply it to my own life.

So I've decided to take some baby steps. I'm going to start going for a regular manicure. My hands are constantly in water now that I'm not changing diapers and I don't do yard work, so my hands and nails can stay reasonably nice. So I figure I can take an hour every other week and work on them.

What do you think? Has your opinion of your appearance changed over the years? Is it internal or environmental? Do you think its important?

Oh yeah...

I'm bummed about the Spaces needing a Passport. Ah well, nothing is ever as good as it seems. That was one of the things that bugged me about