Fred & Ginger

First,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!!

Moving on:

Last night hubby and I had our second dance class. I can safely say we aren't the worst couple there. We both have our strengths and weaknesses on the dance floor. I can't follow. It really is difficult not to try and lead. Or I try anticipating his steps before he leads me. He's much better at the fox trot than I am. I'm better at the swing. This is the first time we've done something together like this in a long time. I'm not sure why. Anyway, its fun to do something totally unrelated to the kids.

Moving on to kids, today is the last day of school. We have become the summertime home to one of my daughter's class pets, a fire belly toad. After reading about the toad, I found out it prefers to have others for company. The teacher who gave out the toads apparently didn't take that information into consideration. So we are headed to the pet store to buy at least one more. The Thing started the week off well by playing Vidal Sassoon with her hair. I had to make an emergency trip to Supercuts to get it fixed. She did a pretty good hacking job. Her hair went down most of her back. It doesn't anymore. I think its fine for summer anyway. I wanted to post a picture of her but I haven't been able to get her to sit still long enough for a photo. I'm not kidding. I've five blurry photos. I gave up.

On the writing front, well, I've taken a page from Kelly's book and started working on something unrelated, next thing I knew, I had 6 pages. Janie asked what I'm working on, so I thought I would give a quickie rundown. I'm working on an 18th century straight historical, two paranormal historicals, both 18th century although they are from different times, a contemporary erotica and now a contemporary paranormal featuring elves and fairies. Spread a little thin don't ya think? Yeah, but my mind is in a million places. I generally work on a couple for a week or so. The two historical paranormals are higher on my priority list than the rest. But historicals are more exhausting for me. Not just the research, but the use of voice and style. So the contemporaries give me a chance to write more informally and use a more staccato style.

The Black Moment

Some people are plotters, some pantsters. Some think of their characters first, others their plots.

I'm a black moments planner. I plan my black moments first then figure everything else out. I've discovered when I don't do this, I have problems with the rest of the book. I think of a couple of characters, and put them in a miserable situation, then I kick them and make the situation worse. From there, I pattern a plot and characters to fit the moment.

I generally have 3 or 4 black moments per story. Some of them are related, some of them aren't. The tough part is making sure I don't write myself into such a tight corner I don't know how to get out. But I would rather be in that situation than the opposite.

Too many stories I read lack a really juicy black moment. Sure, there are plenty where the hero or heroine are in mortal peril where the bad guy is dangling them from the top of the Empire State building or some other type of life or death situation. While these are exciting, they are over in an instant. I like those black moments which are internal. I like to read those situations where the hero or heroine has to make a choice which will cause them unimaginable misery either way. I like to see what they do and how they make an untenable decision, live with it and still end up with a happily ever after. It raises the stakes for me as a reader, makes me more concerned about the characters and makes the story memorable.

As a writer, it is a challenge. First, do I have it in me to put these people through the wringer? Ha! I have three children, I delight in suffering. Second, is it a tough enough moment to put the reader on edge? We all have our threshold. For some, a black moment could be breaking a nail, for another, it could be the earth being destroyed by an asteroid. But I think the most effective is the black moment which really tears the character apart emotionally. Third, the challenge of finding a way out is tough. As a I writer, I don't want to make it too easy but at the same time I don't want to write a 200K word book.

In one story I've started, the key black moment is a toughy and I'm not sure how to write myself out of it. I think is a tough enough conflict for the heroine that the solution will be a big pay off. In another story I started, the black moment isn't black enough to hold my interest, so I've put it aside until I can think of a way to make my characters sufficiently miserable.

How important are black moments to you? Do you have a process for creating them?

Projects

With summer having arrived in all its glory, I start thinking about projects. Not goals per se, but projects. Those mammoth or incidental tasks set aside for a time when I have time. While I'm not real thrilled with the prospect of having my kids home, it also means the end of their activities until fall. No more carting kids to ball games or practice, no after-school classes and no in-school events which take up so much time. Heck, I gain over an hour by not taking and picking the kids up. So I need to turn my attention to something.

My project for the summer is organizing all of my magazine cut outs. Oh, I'm a rabid recipe hound. I tear out so many recipes then stick them in a drawer. Then a file folder. And now they are residing in a huge plastic container along with organizing implements. I figure if I work on the project 15 minutes a day, I'll make some headway and actually have some of the pasted and able to use in a binder.

That's my big project. What about you? Any project you have pushed aside?

Addictions

I'm a coffee junkie, I've accepted it, lived with it, understand it. I don't feel complete in the morning if I don't have a cup of java in my hand. I'd trade my kids for a tall brew of the day at Starbucks. But then, I'd trade my kids for a ball of lint, a bent paper clip and an unwrapped stick of gum, so that probably isn't a good comparison. The point is, my day doesn't start without my cup of French roast or whatever dark, road tar brew is in my cup. The addiction is as much psychological as chemical. It is my weakness, but livable, because nothing else debilitates me in such a way.

Until now.

I start my morning by going through my email then moving on to my blogs. If I'm going to blog on a day, I post then start going through my blogroll, cup of joe in hand. Yesterday, I got up, did my email, then started posting. My post was immediately eaten by the blogger demons. I tried again later, dang if it happened again. So I gave up. But the complete disruption of my morning lasted throughout the day. I was irritable and lost, a pathetic wraith wandering about the house in a daze. Well, I did do the laundry and cleaned the spa. I tried reading through my blogs but most of them are bloggers as well, so it did me little good.

I don't think it is the blogging so much as the change in my routine. I know I've blogged about my penchant for routine, so I guess it is logical a ripple in the blogging routine would make me edgy. I don't remember what I was going to post about yesterday. Heaven knows I typed it enough in a vain hope that blogger would be up and at 'em. Hopefully it wasn't something important like the cure for the common cold or the winning Lotto numbers for the weekend.

Website?

I've been pondering whether I should have my own website. A friend of mine has offered me free space as a subdomain to her site, so I don't have to worry about the cost and I'm sufficient enough on html to make a website on my own. But what would I put on it?

Plenty of unpublished writers have their own sites and most of them are full of interesting stuff. What would I put on mine? I know I could do a page of links, a page of writing articles and tips for writers, but what else? For those of you with websites, when you decided to have one, what was the reasons for it? What function did you want your site to play? Has it helped?

Did anyone notice that Blogrolling was down yesterday? I almost had a heart attack. After resisting using it for so long, I am now totally dependent on it. I saved a back up file on my PC when it came back up. I had no idea how dependent I had become on it. I use my blogroll everyday to visit my sites. I went crazy yesterday because I hadn't gone through my entire roll yet.

Directv added Sleuth to the channel line up. It is the crime drama channel. They already have the "A-Team" playing, if they would only add "Banacek" and "Quincy," my life would be complete.

I spent quite a bit of time yesterday whining about writing. Amazingly enough, I still found time to write hammered out over 4 pages on a new WIP. I really need to stick with something. I have 3 WIPs now that I feel connected to, so now it is time to focus.

Goals Rehashed

Well, hell, I've failed miserably at working on my goals. I'm not sure what it is about January. Perhaps it is the newness, the feeling of a fresh start, the mental sense of starting things over, but I had some great goals. I've accomplished none of them, in fact, the waste away in the corner gathering cobwebs, forgotten in the midst of a life filled with the here and now rather than what could be.

They weren't particularly strenous goals, but it has been easy to push them aside. So now it is June and I need to give them some attention. I've been lazy, content to float along without really pushing myself. I set a goal of writing everyday. To be honest, I forgot. But that is an easy one to fix. Maybe I should put a big sticky on my laptop commanding me to write? My other goal was to lose weight, another one which I have been half-hearted in accomplishing. I did warn hubby this would be the beginning of the end this week. Summer is here and it is time for lighter foods. So that is what I am aiming for.

We are mid-year, how are you doing with any of your goals?

On another note, I found something interesting to do with the kids this summer and I talk about it over at Search for the Good Life.

Sometimes I'm Inspired

Today was the first meeting for my new RWA chapter. It was a great meeting. We initially thought we would only have 4-5 people but we ended up having about 15. We met at a Barnes & Noble but have decided it will be too small for our gathering. An interesting collection of people arrived, including to guys who just graduated from college and want to write. They heard about us and thought we could help them.

This group seems very interested in craft and they would like to spend some of our time on critiquing along with workshops. They seemed very enthusiastic. I feel inspired, the desire to write, particularly since I have to bring 5 pages next month to critic.

For something extra special, hubby cleaned and waxed the convertible for me so I would have a nice car to drive. He and the kids were gone when I got home, they'd gone to the gym then picked up lunch. It was one of those nice days which is pleasant in its simplicity. This day was made nicer not just because of the weather (which is lovely) or the activity but the people around me. Too often we forget how nice people can be and how being with others is fun rather than a chore.

So how has your Saturday been?

I did get a couple of new books. The British Housewife is a book from the mid-18th century which is full of recipes and tips for running a household. It is a facsimile so the type is the same as when it was originally published, meaning the "s's" look like "f's". But it is pretty interesting and though some of the names have changed, many of the dishes are current. I also got The Element Encyclopedia of 5000 Spells. While I got that one for research, I'm hoping to find one which will make my children behave.

Satisfaction

How come I'm never satisfied? Is it a human trait?

I complained to Melissa yesterday that I was feeling restless. My house was clean, there were no tasks that needed to be done. I had plenty of time to write but I couldn't make myself sit down and do it. Here I had plenty of time to do those things I complain I never have time to do, and yet I couldn't get myself doing any of it. Why is that?

Mel thinks I need a vacation and maybe she is write. Perhaps a change of scenery is what I need. I also feel as if I'm on the edge of a precipice, that when the kids get out of school, the ground will fall from beneath my feet and everything will change. Not that it is a bad thing, I am looking forward to doing things with the kids this summer. There are a wealth of museums and libraries all over the area which would be fun to go to and there is also the beach.

But I can't help feeling this edginess, a feeling I can't put a name to. Do you get restless? Do you ever find yourself staring into space wondering what the heck you should be doing?

I did get some good news yesterday. My daughter has had the same teacher for kindergarten and first grade. She told me yesterday that next year she will be teaching a K-1-2 class, so my daughter gets her for another year. Poor woman, when my daughter finally leaves her class, my youngest will be there waiting. I'm very fortunate with my kids' school because the teachers are so available. This woman is amazing and I'm so thrilled my daughter will have her again.

The Sacred Feminine Or The Boss

You get to take your pick today. I had two different ideas for posts so I decided to do them both.

Heaven help me that the "Da Vinci Code" actually made me think about something. I still didn't care for the book and a couple of times I just wanted to scream. Robert and Sophie weren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. But anyway, Brown did explore an interesting concept with his ideas about the expunging of the feminine from the world view. While I don't think the ancients had a utopian paradise of equal rights for men and women, it was far from it, the importance of the feminine was at least recognized through goddess worship.

Giving birth and caring for children became a weakness. Women were relegated to the home because they were too weak to deal with the fierceness of the world. The power of the female was seen as weakness.

I do have a point with relation to modern times and modern fiction.

The sphere or romance novels has been slammed since its inception. In the 18th century when writers tapped into the female market, the books were vilified as fluffy, silly books which catered to the weakness of women. Books that put feminine softness at the forefront were and are considered less than their male counterparts.

Romance writers have tired of the basement treatment so they've created female stories which the heroines have take advantage of their masculine traits. The heroines are tough and willing to do what needs to be done. She can shoot a gun, throw a punch and get along fine without a man. She suppresses her feminine side and gains the power of the masculine. We call them kick ass heroines and they are a lot of fun. I enjoy reading them. They are fun to write as well. She has wide appeal.

Writers have done something interesting with this character. She fears the feminine, fears the weakness she perceives it gives her. In the end, most of the time she is able to embrace the feminine, finding she can be in a relationship without giving up her power. But it says something about the value of female traits in society. We still don't see the softer feminine characteristics as powerful.

I do wonder if we as a society will ever recognize the power of the feminine. Can we not appreciate the true power of nurturing? The ability to raise a human from infant to adult is powerful indeed. It goes against our nurturing nature (both mothers and fathers) to see our progeny destroyed by violence. Our feminine half of our nature wishes to mold the world in softer ways.

I look out at the mountains, appreciating the fact that they have been molded over the millions of years not by violent explosions but by the erosion of countless streams of water. Certainly it took longer to create the landscape through such means as opposed to an immediate cataclysm like a volcano. But it was done none the less.

I suppose the whole point of this meandering post is the lack of appreciation of the feminine, the downplay of its power in society. There is an imbalance in the world and until the power of the female is recognized, the world will remain out of whack.

Now onto the Boss. Or the Sacred Springsteen as he is thought of in our house. My hubby loves Bruce. Do you know how many times I've heard "Rosalita" cranked up to full volume? *shudder* It isn't anything I really want to think about. But I have to tip my hat to the man. He writes some of the most depressing songs in all of music. So depressing, I have to laugh. We were listening to "The River" the other night. A quick rundown about the song is that the man gets his girlfriend pregnant, marries her, gets a crappy job and gives up his dreams. He goes to the river although he knows the river is dry, symbolizing the death of his youthful dreams and ambitions. I suspect there is another stanza where the dog dies too but Bruce cut it because the song was so damned depressing as it was. And he has more. "Nebraska" is an album dedicated to misery. Same could be said for "Tunnel of Love."

What is the most depressing song you've ever heard? Do you like depressing songs?

Happy Father's Day

...and anniversary, and Christmas, and birthday!

Hubby bought himself a new scooter. And not just any old scooter, he felt the need to get a Vespa. You know, with gas prices and all, it just made sense for him to get a scooter. You can't see this but I am rolling my eyes. He has wanted a Vespa since the day I met him. He'd really like a vintage one but they aren't the most reliable for what he needs. It is cool, I have to admit not that I trust myself to ride it.

He's had a pretty good weekend so far. Yesterday we had our team party for little league. For the first time in many seasons I'm sorry to see the season end. We had a great team with wonderful parents. I even found a great babysitter in one of the older sisters. After the party dh went down to the scooter store and bought himself this little number. Today he went off to an Angel game with his brother-in-law, leaving me home with the 3 kids.

I wasn't thrilled. I haven't talked about it too much but the kids have been extremely difficult over the last week, enough that I've had a few breakdowns. So he almost said no. I told him it was okay. I'm keeping score. I figure at this rate he'll owe me enough that I can go to the RWA conference next year in Dallas.

I got crabby over at Ainsley Park today. I'm tired of historical romance authors getting complacent about the details. I'm getting persnickety in my old age.

Dance Lessons

First, about summer: No, I will not be going to Atlanta for RWA. I don't think my family is ready to do without me for that long. Next year will work better, I hope....

I am supposed to go to Utah for a family reunion at the end of June. I'm thrilled. There is nothing more fun in my mind then riding in a motorhome with my 3 kids and my folks for 600 miles. All so we can visit relatives I've never met. Supposedly the reunion is being held on the property of one of my relatives. It's probably one of those polygamist compounds. I've been watching Big Love so I know what to look for. If these cousins of mine are dressed like extras for "Little House in the prairie," I'm outta there.

I signed up for ballroom dance lessons. I've been hassling the hubby for years that we should learn to dance. He's always paid me lipservice about it but I finally put things into action. My town's human services is offering a dance class. DH will be a good sport about it, its only one hour a week. He likes to dance, he's just not very good at it. I'm no Ginger Rogers myself so this should be an experience. I wanted to take a swing class but hubby ixnaed that immediately.

Do you dance? Is it something you and your significant other enjoy doing?

The Apocalypse

The end of my world is nigh. It happens every year around this time, the ending of my peace and quiet for the next three months.

Yes, the school year is drawing to a close. I've spent the last few days curled in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, muttering incomprehensibly to myself.

I have no idea what this summer is going to bring. I'm sure it will include a lot of battles over video games, dirty rooms, the petty annoyances children seem to excel at. I've looked at the summer camps, but they are so expensive. Half the time my kids don't enjoy them and it is a battle to get them to go.

So I need to be more proactive. I'm going to try and have theme weeks where I work on something with the kids and include a field trip. Perhaps if they have something to look forward to, they will behave. We will probably do a lot of swimming at my folks house, so there is something else I can do.

Vacation plans are fizzling to zero. Hubby's summer at work has gone crazy plus the airline fares are so outrageous, it isn't something we can really afford. We could if we went in September, but hubby just got hit with a trial, so we can't go. That is the real problem with being self-employed. There is no one else to pick up the slack and no vacation pay.

What are your plans for the summer? Do you have a gameplan for the kids? Is this a season you dread or anticipate?

Bring it On

Today is my birthday, my 39th to be exact. My last year of being in my 30's.

I've mixed feelings about leaving this period of my life. For the bulk of it, I have been raising babies. My first child arrived when I was 28, the next one when I was 32 and bringing up the caboose is my last who was born when I was 35. While other mothers are celebrating their child's graduation from high school, I'm celebrating the fact that my youngest is finally potty-trained. For the first time in nearly 10 years, I don't have to keep a diaper bag in my car. People keep telling me I'm going to miss these baby years. Ummm....I don't think so.

The 30's for many women is a decade of personal growth. Their children are in school, independent human beings doing their own thing while a mother gets to spend some time exploring her own persona. For me, well, I've spent these years at the beck and call of my little darlings. Not that I'm complaining (yeah, I am) but it doesn't leave a lot of time for self-discovery. But to be honest, I couldn't have raised kids in my 20's. At least I wouldn't have done as good a job.

This decade also brought out my writing. I completed my first ms when I was 34, something I'd never been able to do before. My writing developed in leaps and bounds and I wrote four complete mss in this decade. Okay, so only two of them are readable. But I went from horrible to pretty darn good in a matter of only four years. As a writer, the 30's were phenomenal.

So the big 4-0 looms in the distance. It doesn't bother me. When I turn 40, I will see my last child go to school. I will be able to spend some time on my own. I'm excited to see where my writing goes. Every year I've logged on this earth adds to my voice, giving it a richness that only aging can give it.

Bring it on, I'm more than ready!

The Da Vinci Code- Because I Have To

Hubby is dying to see "The Da Vinci Code." He loved the book and is dragging me to the movies. Personally, I'm more of a "Poseidon" gal and I'm making my own plans (they are showing it on the local IMAX). Anyway, I tried reading the book and it didn't do much for me. It isn't the best written piece of fiction and the story line isn't one I find all that interesting. Hubby can't believe I'm not captivated.

So why do I bother? Because I hate going to a movie without reading the book first. It is my compulsion. I'm not one of those who generally slams a movie because it didn't follow the book. But I like to have the background. Sometimes its a great benefit and I read a good book I didn't think I'd like ("Silence of the Lambs") or sometimes the reading is pure torture and I just stick with the movie (the LOTR trilogy. Yeah, you Tolkeinites can start throwing the rotten cabbages, I'm ready).

I'm not sure why I am like this. How about you? Do you like to read the book before seeing the movie? Or do you purposely not read the book? Or do you wait and read the book after the movie?

BTW, "The Da Vinci Code" doesn't seem to be as bad this time around, maybe because my expectations are lower this time around. And least it isn't very long.

Good, Evil & Nothing in Between

I love romance novels, have for a long time. But I do have a pet peeve that seems to pervade the genre. Characters tend to be either good or bad. Rarely do you find a gray character.

Maybe that's why I've really started reading mostly paranormals. The characters are inherently good and bad, struggling to balance the two sides. Too often in romance, the good guys are so supremely good and the bad guys so evil, it makes them predictable and uninteresting.

Even if the heroine is doing something bad, she generally has a higher reason for doing so, something so noble it totally counteracts whatever naughty she is forced to do. Same goes for the hero. The villain has no redeeming qualities about them, they are purely rotten, even if they do appear to be friends of the hero or heroine.

I'm not asking that bad guys get the girl or good guys die in the end. But it is difficult for me to see these characters as anything but two dimensional cut-outs. They lack a soul. Because humans are a combo of right and wrong. We sometimes do things for our own selfish pleasure. We try to take the easy course.

Perhaps I'm missing the point. Perhaps this is what romance readers want. Maybe they want the fantasy of a world where the good and bad are obvious and its easy to root for the hero and boo the villain.

What do you think? Am I too harsh? Should I be banned from the romance aisle at the Borders?

Another Mother's Day Post

This picture was a gift from my daughter. Her class went on a field trip to the Santa Monica Pier for a museum tour and they ate lunch on the beach. The teacher snapped photos of them while they weren't aware. I love this picture. The Diva made a frame for it, covered it with sand and a seashell she found.

My kids fixed me breakfast in bed. Then they decided to clean the house. I tried to convince them it wasn't necessary, but they insisted. I really just wanted them to clean their rooms. But they started sweeping and mopping. My house smelled like a Swiffer factory. They went through a whole can of window cleaner. Ah well, it was the thought. I was restless myself. I ended up cleaning the kitchen. Then I thought I would write but I ended up playing Rise of Nations for hours.

But now it is back to the grind. I'm kind of glad. As much as I like the thought of pampering, it goes against my grain. Perhaps it is the salt-of -the-earth farmer folk ancestors of mine (some of them were Amish) or my need to control my environment, but I can't sit still and watch others do MY jobs.

Is there any task that you prefer doing yourself? Do your loved ones try to do something you do and it drives you crazy? My particular one is coffee-making. I don't want anyone else in the house to make the coffee. Weird, I know, and I should be grateful, but still.

Happy Mother's Day

Do you know how hard it is to write about Mother's Day when your kids are running around the house, yelling, screaming and fighting? Do you think they will can it for one day? And why is Mother's Day just one day? Shouldn't it be a week?

When asked what I wanted, I said I wanted everyone to get the hell out of the house and leave me alone for the day. No one seems to believe me. Anyway, I got my present early, a digital camcorder that records to a hard drive. Then you hook it to the pc and save it to the computer hard drive. Hubby picked up an external DVD recorder for me today. I'm not smart enough to figure out how to use it. Of course it doesn't help that I am surrounding with screaming kids.

Hope everyone has a nice holiday. What did you get for Mother's Day? What did you give for Mother's Day?

Back to the World of the Living

I've been out of it for the last couple of days. Besides cleaning up flour (she got into it again two days later, I didn't find it nearly as amusing the second time) I've been reading.

I love getting lost in a book. It doesn't happen often. Too often the writer in me kicks in and whispers in my mind how I could have done it better or how I should just quit writing because I'll never be able to match this. When I can leave the writer behind and simply enjoy a book, I'm thrilled. I was reading Charlaine Harris' latest Sookie Stackhouse book. I had a hard time putting it down and finished it in a couple of days. It was just one of those books for me. All of her Sookie books are like that for me and it makes me happy. The one downside to being a writer is that buzzing in your head you have when you read for pleasure.

Another reason for my phantom presence is a far more bitter pill to swallow. I like video games. I bought myself a James Bond game (Everything or Nothing) and told my son he couldn't play it since it was rated "Teen." The truth was I knew if he played it, he'd do better than me. Well, the "Teen" argument doesn't hold much water because he has some Star Wars games that have that rating. So I let him play it. As I suspected, he immediately has gone further than me. And he used something to finish a level I could never get halfway with. Darn ten year olds.

On the writing front....sigh. I want to write to sell. Who doesn't? But I can feel it pressing on me when I am writing. And I end up writing stuff I don't enjoy. This has been preying on my mind a lot lately. It brings up the question how much I am willing to concede in my writing in order to get published? If I write strictly from the heart and it doesn't sell, it is painful in that I have poured time and effort into it for naught. Particularly if it is a historical. It means I've not only spent time writing but I've spent hours upon hours upon hours for research.

Another feeling I have is that I'm not mentally pushing myself as far as I can go. I'm allowing my creativity to get lazy and not demand more from it. I'm not sure if it is true, but I feel like I can do better. No, its not a perfection issue. It is more like there is a book in my head and it is trying to get out. Unfortunately, the route out from my brain to my computer is cloudy and blocked, probably from all the flour I've cleaned up.

I'm still working on a couple of things and I like them. But that haunting feeling is still there.

Why I Drink

What the Heck is a Gamma?

What do you get when you cross an Alpha with a Beta? Yep, a Gamma.

A Gamma is probably more of what we right these days. Sometimes they are more Alpha than Beta, like Indy here. While he seems fearless and physical, his true profession is a teacher. Plus, he is willing to admit his fears (remember the snakes?).

There's Aragorn, a physical hero with a very Beta nature. He understands that violence and death is part of his life, but he it makes him sad. And who can resist those tender moments with Arwen?

The Gamma hero is all over the place, not just in romance. Jack Ryan, Tom Clancy's hero is such a good example.

This poor CIA analyst who is much more comfortable behind a computer screen or classroom is pushed into violent situations. Rather than shrinking from them, he meets the challenges.

Gammas seem to be the perfect hero. But it is essential he be given some kind of flaw or wound to make him interesting. I think for a Gamma, there is no way to make him strictly 50/50. Even better would be to make these two sides of him conflict. If you read Laurell K. Hamilton, you'll recognize Richard right away as heavy on the Beta side while suffering as a literal Alpha.

The Gamma is taking over as the hero of choice of romance authors. He reflects the changing mood of romance and he fits today's heroines. If you are interested in this topic, I suggest taking it further and looking at The Complete Writer's Guide to Heroes and Heroinesby Tami D. Cowden, Caro LaFever, Sue Viders

And one last thing....

What does Hugh Jackman have to do with this discussion? Absolutely nothing but I'm on a roll with good looking guys today, so I thought he should be here.

Update

I posted today on
Villa in Tuscany about Women, Resilience and Romance

He Loves You for Your Mind

He dominates the current romantic comedy movie these days. He's funny, cute, a good dresser and the last man the heroine has any idea she is attracted to.

Hugh Grant has made a living playing this same character over and over again. The Beta hero is the guy your mom wanted you to date while you were busy lusting after the Alpha.

He doesn't need to solve a problem with a gun or sword. His weapons tend to be his intellect and his savvy. But like his Alpha brother, he has his deep wounds which require a heroine's touch to heal. He just deals with them differently.

While on the surface he seems more the perfect man in many ways, he usually has a flaw which forces a wedge between him and the heroine or between him and his goals.

I like writing Betas myself. I wrote a good Beta who happened to be a vampire. Even though he should have a violent nature, he found he had no real stomach for it. When he seeks revenge, he has a breakdown afterwards because he had no taste for it. It wasn't the exciting moment he thought it would be. It didn't make him a wimp, but showed him how he was different from others and eventually how the heroine was the perfect mate for him.

I admire people who use their brains for problems. That isn't to say I don't enjoy the brute who comes in blasting. But for writing purposes, I tend to enjoy the challenge of wrting a man who pursues his goals strictly from a mental stand point.

Do you like Betas? What would you say about them?

And if you really want a chuckle, check out Brawny's Innocent Escapes. This guy is beyond Beta. It is so funny.

Go Ahead, Make My Day

I'm still talking Alpha males today but I keep getting distracted by the picture. Wasn't Clint a hunk back in 1971?

Anyway, Dirty Harry always epitomized the ultimate Alpha hero to me. Cold, handsome, smart, willing to break the rules to achieve a goal. And yet he still knew the difference between right and wrong. While he embodied much of a sociopathic personality, he always knew what evil was and dedicated his life to fighting it.

He was also very two dimensional. And that was okay. In real life, I'd run far from a guy like this. He has the emotional range of orange juice. But for a two hour movie, he's just fine. The same goes for novels.

I remember back in the '80's when I started reading romance novels. I went in for (and don't get offended) the "bodice rippers." The men in these books were hardcore jerks who walked all over the heroine until she stood up to him. Yeah, they were a little cheesy, but they were a helluva lot of fun. I remember in those days we'd been bombarded by the "sensitive man" thing. Remember Alan Alda? Remember "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche?" Anyway, these rough men fulfilled a fantasy. Women's rights were a real hot button issue back then. Believe me, I was one of those women. Those were great times. I was also reading Rosemary Rogers, Shirlee Busbee, Jennifer Wilde and Johanna Lindsay. All of those authors at the time wrote Alpha heroes.

The pure Alpha hero is a rare thing these days. Even if he is a macho guy in a studly profession, he does tend to have a sensitive side. It seems the Alpha is hiding out in the erotica genre and he is growing in popularity. One of the few authors I can think of who really writes the Alpha in mainstream romance is Angela Knight and her paranormals. I am sure there are others, I'm just not that familiar with them.

Has the Alpha outlived his usefulness in today's romantic fiction? What makes an Alpha hero today?

Tomorrow let's talk Betas and Monday we'll examine the Gamma.

Other Stuff......

Thinking about doing a website? Wondering about your web presence or lack thereof? My friend Becky is doing a workshop on websites and web presence over at the Romance Central Forums. She's a sharp cookie and knows her web stuff, so it might be worth a look-see. Besides, its free. Oh yeah, and yours truly is going to do a segment about blogs.

The Men in my Life

No, not the ones who think sweatpants with holes in the knees are the height of fashion. Nor the ones who open the fridge and ask where the milk is (that would be the big, white right in front). I'm not talking about the ones who clutch the television remote as if it was the Holy Grail.

I'm talking about my heroes, the fellows I create. In romance, they pretty much fall into two categories: Alphas & Betas. We love Alphas, those caveman/sword-wielding/SEAL/delta Force/cowboy/renegade FBI agent who shoot first, ask questions later and have thighs as hard as granite. They know what a woman wants, using their overwhelming masculinity to woo her into bed. But they don't fall in love because sometime in there past, some gal has done'em wrong. But the heroine is able to tame him while he maintains his brooding maleness. He's cool, he's fun and we ladies love'em.

Then we have the Betas. They think before they act. They are much more cautious when falling in love. They've been burned in the past. They too have trust issues like their Alpha compadres, but they tend to dress better. In some ways, they are harder to get to for the heroine. They talk too damn much. But they are interesting, usually have some tragedy in their past which makes it difficult for them to love and forces the heroine to use more than her hot body to get them into bed. He's a challenge, good-looking and we ladies love'em.

I tend to write Betas. Even my vampires are Betas. They may try and act like Alphas, but they generally can't maintain the illusion. I have to admit to admiring intellectuals so I go that way in my books. Physically, they are handsome, but without bulging muscles. While they are sexual creatures, they are not promiscuous but still they manage to please the heroine while enraging her at the same time.

I'm comfortable about writing these guys, I can see where they are going, see how they develop. But that isn't what being a writer is all about. Writing is about taking risks and not only facing but finding challenges. The two WIPs I'm focused on right now need Alpha males to make them work. Why these stories have cropped up in my Beta-loving mind, I don't know, but I like them and I want to write them. So I got to suck it up and write Alpha men.

It isn't easy for me, but I'm enjoying it. Definitely presents totally different issues with regards to my conflicts. Oh, I haven't given up my Betas. My straight historical features a Beta hero. But I'm having fun with my tough guys and I'm going to bet they creep into my writing even more now that I've experienced them.

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO

I love a holiday that encourages Tecate drinking.

A Writing Post

Going through the titles of my past posts, I figure y'all probably think I'm losing it. I'm not, I'm just whining (hence the name of this blog). Truly, things are going well. Amazing how much easier life is with a potty-trained child at home.

Anyway, I've been writing. Not as much this week as last, but I'm definitely making progress. I like my WIPs. They are varied and I find when I switch back and forth to different ones, my creativity juices up for the others. Typical Gemini, I can't just settle with one. I don't know what I'd do if I had to choose between Johnny Depp and Hugh Jackman. My head would blow off.

My one WIP is a paranormal historical where the heroine reads Tarot cards for a living. I don't know how to read Tarot cards so I'm learning. I got the prettiest cards, they are the Harmonious Tarot. I just love looking at them. So I'm taking a course through Barnes & Noble University and I got a book. I have several friends who read the cards, but I wanted to know how to do it myself. I'm like that with my writing. I had a story with a sword fight scene. I couldn't mentally get the feel so I went ahead and took a fencing class. It really helped. Anyway, I figure if I learn how to read the cards, I could add some panache to family gatherings.

This week I'm back to my contemporary vampire story. I'm writing it for the new Nocturne line over at Silhouette and so this is a different experience for me. I have to constantly remind myself the book is about the hero and the heroine, the other stuff is used to enhance the relationship. Even if I can't sell the book, it is awesome experience in working with conflict for the characters.

In other writing stuff, I'm in a small group trying to start a new RWA chapter. We are trying to start one which will serve the eastern L.A. county area of Southern California. The L.A. chapter is pretty far for most of us to attend as is the OCC/RWA. I belong to that one and won't give up my membership, but my distance from the chapter interferes with my participation. So if you live anywhere from Pasadena all the way to the western section of San Bernadino county, let me know if you are interested.

After Lady M's comments about water, I decided to do a little research and I talk about what I've found over at Search for the Good Life. Melissa talks about her concerns about being "branded" with regards to her historical writing over atAinsley Park. While she enjoys writing about the Regency-era, she'd like to be able to branch out to other time periods. She worries that if she does publish in one time period, she will be stuck for all time in that era.

Margaritaville

Do you remember that old Jimmy Buffett song? To me, its one of those songs which herald summer to me. Beach reads, days at the pool, a carefree season with an increase in foo foo martini drinking.

Only it isn't carefree. Sometimes being a grown up sucks. Having the responsibilities of adulthood can be so exhausting. And kids don't appreciate it, I know I didn't. Ah well.

Anyway, I'd love to have a "Margaritaville Week" where the only thing I was worried about was my lost shaker of salt. About a week is all I could take, but still. I watch those stupid Corona ads where the people sit on a pristine beach and drink beer. I'm envious except I would rather skip the Corona and go straight for a mai tai.

Unfortunately, I'm not a laid back person. Even on vacation I have planned activities. I think I take pleasure just in the fantasy. I have my mental place I go to and sip drinks with umbrellas and visualize a crystal ocean and sandy beach. Do you have a mental Margaritaville you keep in your mind? Do you ever retreat to some place else in your mind and take a break from reality?

No, I'm not overwhelmed or anything, I get summer fever as opposed to spring fever. I long for the heat. Then I break out the Beach Boys and the reggae discs.

The Vicious Cycle

I can feel it, waiting in the wings, ready to pounce. Remember when I talked about motivation? Well, I'm feeling unmotivated. Or at least my motivation is losing steam. And not just for writing. I'm not motivated to do anything but stare at my computer screen playing SimCity 4.

I'm honing in on the warning signs these days. I can feel my frustration grow with the things surrounding me. My kids are monsters, particularly the 3 year old although I'm pleased to say she is potty trained for the most part (finally). I'm tired of cooking and cleaning. I'm tired of playing chauffeur to my kids. I'm tired of writing. Basically, I'm tired.

But it isn't as if things have changed from two weeks ago. I think it is just the way my mental state works. But if I let myself slide into it, go with the flow as it were, I can get stuck in a whining rut accomplishing nothing and getting increasingly cranky.

So I started working out and focusing on my diet. I needed to anyway, but I think my easily distracted mind needs something new to focus on. I'm not the type of person who can focus their time completely around writing, I end up not enjoying it and if I don't enjoy it, my writing is garbage. The same goes for anything else. If I make it my life, I hate it in no time. So I needed something fresh to put my mind to.

I also must tip my hat to my trusty timer. It gives me the discipline I so badly need. I may not want to clean those bathrooms, but my timer tells me only have to worry about for a half hour and I can do something else. Same with writing. If I'm struggling, I still need to stick with it until my timer goes off.

I'm hoping this cycle is short, it certainly isn't as overwhelming as it has been in the past. I'm still excited about my WIPs and I'm hoping to maintain it. I'm learning to accept the fact that I do go through these cycles and its important to do something before they get out of hand.

Do you feel slumps coming on or do they hit you without warning? Do you have strategies to head them off or pull you out?

Other Stuff

I've been a busy blog bee today and I've updated Search for the Good Life and Age of Enlightenment. Now I can get some writing done.

Six Weird Things About Me

I got tagged by Zephra to come up with six weird things about myself. So here goes....

1. I eat ricotta cheese straight from the container.
2. I gag on cottage cheese
3. I arrange my dishwasher in a certain order and will change it if it isn't in that order.
4. I won't wear a digital watch
5. I've never seen "American Idol"
6. I have to wear orthotics in my shoes because I walk "wrong."

I'm going to tag Melissa, Eve,Tori, Sandy, Bren and Melinda

AAAAAHHHH Make It Stop!!!

So I was bustling around the house this morning when a song started playing in my head. Usually it the theme to "Bob the Builder" or "Teletubbies" or someother kiddy show. But no, it was worse. How can anything be worse?

"Muskrat Love" by the Captain and Tenille.

I think this could possibly be the worse song ever although "Butterscotch Castle" from the same album could give it a run for its money.

What do you think? What song has hit the airwaves that has actually made you run screaming from the horror of its awfulness?

Other stuff...
Over at Ainsley Park I posted about historical romance and whether it needs to expand into other subgenres.

Finding the Balance

I generally write about motivation when I don't have any. I post my ramblings in a hope that such drivel will light a fire under my creativity get me writing. So this time around I thought I would write about motivation when I'm actually motivated in an attempt to keep the fire burning and get my story done.

First, I think for me I need to have some things going right in my life. Life doesn't have to be perfect, but I need that one thing in my world that doesn't require my attention or my concerns. My creativity needs room to expand in my psyche without competing for space with something else. Romance writing is emotional and it is essential it gets the space to expand in order to develop on the page.

Second, I really cannot write in a dirty house. I'm not a neatnik, but I do need to be able to finish writing and be able to go cook in a kitchen without having to do three loads of dishes first. The conflict for me is that I don't like to clean house. Ah well, we all have our burdens. Which brings me to my next point.

Third, I tend to go full force with my writing. If I'm in a groove, I could easily write all day, stopping only to pick up the kids, get something to drink, etc. Such an exertion of creativity tends to bleed it dry in me. Hence the timer. I time everything. The little "tic tic" is going right now as I write this. I make myself space my writing throughout the day. It also helps motivate me to do some housework. I may write for 20 minutes then spend 45 minutes cleaning up the house or working on laundry. This makes me get up and move around, get my house picked up and gets my writing done. I know that no matter how dreary sorting laundry is, I only have to do it for so long before I can stop and go write. At the same time, if I know I'm on a timer with my writing, I can write and make mental notes to myself to work on while I'm doing chores. Instead of worrying about a plot point while I'm writing, I can save it for another time and devote it to what I'm working on at that moment. Also, knowing my time is limited, I don't mess around, focusing all my energies on the page at hand.

Fourth, well, I really don't have a fourth. Perhaps I feel like I have the luxury of doing other things. I find I have time to read. I have time to blog or play computer games. I don't have time to eat.

I think I am a happier person (we won't count Easter Sunday). Perhaps it just took me finding the balance.

...and I'm not real wild about kids either

It's 5 a.m. and my eyes open. I long to go back to sleep, but I know my alarm is set for 5:30. I'm tempted, but I know how much worse I will feel when the alarm goes off and I have to get up. The Easter Bunny needs to get up and get her cottontail in gear. My eldest and youngest sleep in, the middle one greets the sun every morning, so I don't have much choice. Blurry-eyed, I get up, frowning at the clouds, wondering if we will get some morning sprinkles. I realize I don't really care. If their Easter eggs get damp, so be it. So I'm out there, the gray light of dawn guiding my way as I hide the Easter eggs. I can't be clever or creative, I have no interest in spending my entire morning hunting Easter eggs, besides, I know in another hour I will forget altogether where I put them.

An hour later, as predicted, the middle child arises and begins a campaign of such annoyance to get the other two up, I'm amazed she hasn't been contracted by the military for counter-terrorism strategies. I've sucked down a cup and a half of coffee at this point and I'm barely awake, dh is even worse. But we finally get to the Easter Bunny festivities. They are over in 5 minutes. You'd think I'd get to sit down and doze? Nope. In 90 minutes my house will be filled with relatives for a brunch I'm hosting.

Brunch went off well although I'm going to restrain myself on making comments about the family. Sigh.... Well, we all have families and they all have their foibles and idiosyncrasies. Some are charming, others are just plain annoying.

Brunch is over and the family has finally left. Now is my time to rest.

Ha!

First I have to fight the Battle of the Easter Baskets. My mother gives each of the kids an Easter basket loaded with candy. The youngest is determined to get to the baskets. I am forced to move the damned things five times before I find a spot she can't reach.

Second is the Water on the Laptop incident. My middle child decided she had to get her Easter basket and instead of asking me, she tried to get herself, knocking over a vase of flowers and covering my laptop with water as well as my desk, the floor, etc.

Third, I must face the Annoy, Annoy, Annoy tactic. I go lay down on my bed when dh joins me. We aren't there two minutes when the middle daughter comes in and starts bugging us. She wants a sandwich and she will not stop bugging us until she gets it. Since she is harping on her dad, I decide to roll over and ignore them. In 30 seconds the youngest joins us and proceeds to grab my glasses and jump on me. I get out of bed. Time for more coffee.

I moved the couch and try to doze but I'm interrupted multiple times with earth-shattering crises like the Kelly doll who loses her head and the "Can I have some candy?" request. DH decides he needs to go out and wash his cars. I'm finally asleep when he comes blasting in with the youngest asking how he can possibly get anything done AND watch a 3 year old. I'm torn between laughing hysterically and making derisive insults about his parentage. Right now I'm concocting a voodoo spell to curse his cars. I really hope a flock of geese land on them and do their business.

Anyway, hope everyone else's Sunday went smoother. The sun shines tomorrow as my kids return to school and dh goes back to work.

BTW, do you think I could use a hot wheel car for a voodoo doll?

Telephone

I hate the telephone. Oh man, do I hate the telephone. I hate answering it, I hate talking on it. I hate looking for it when I've put it down. I don't like my cell phone. Half the time I have no idea where it is.

Except for those teen years, I've never really enjoyed talking on the phone. Pre-Internet days, it was about the only way to communicate. Now, with email, I'm much more likely to visit via email or MS Messenger.

I'm not quite sure why I have this intolerance. Perhaps it developed when I worked outside of the home and I spent so much time on the phone. But I haven't worked for 4 1/2 years and in that time, I've grown even more disenchanted with the phone.

I think it relates to the fact I'm a much better communicator with written words. Or maybe it is because email and Messenger is on my terms and not breaking into my important activities like bloghopping. Okay, so I could bloghop and talk on the phone at the same time, but people can always tell.

What about you? How are you with telephones? Is there another modern convenience you could not only live without but cheerfully chuck through a plate glass window?

Curiosity

One of the reasons I became a writer was because of my love and curiosity about history. I started out only being interested in small, definitive eras and topics, but as I researched, I found my interest growing, encompassing areas I'd never given much thought to.

When I moved into contemporary writing, my interests continued to go in directions I’d never thought they'd go. This is never more apparent to me than when I go to the bookstore.

Yesterday was the opening day for our new Barnes & Noble. My favorite section without a doubt is the bargain shelves. While it is an economical place to shop, it also has the most eclectic collection of books. I love the Barnes & Noble published books. For a bargain price I can get a smattering of a topic. Yesterday I picked up two books on Celtic mythology and a book on Slavic folklore. I also picked up a book on charms and spells. Since I'm working on a paranormal, I thought it might be helpful, stuff that I can weave into stories.

My interests have delved into architecture, fashion, guns, law enforcement, forensics and cars. I never thought I would find most of these topics too interesting, but as I go deeper into each topic, my curiosity continues to bloom and heads into other directions.

I think the Internet has given such easy access to information, it helps feed our curiosity. In order to research a topic, it isn't always necessary to head to the library and sift through books. What stimulates your curiosity? Do you find yourself looking up things online you never expected to perk your interest?

Touchy, Touchy, Touchy

Recently, Anna Genoese commented on the "Pro" designation for RWA. I cringed. Not because of what she said. I agreed with her for the most part but I knew what would happen. My email inbox was going to be overloaded with upset Pro's eager to defend themselves. My prediction was correct.

I'm not really commenting on the whole "Pro" issue. What I am noticing is how touchy people are in cyberspace. Everyone gets their noses out of joint because of one person's opinion and that is all it is. An opinion. Words are given far more power than they actually have. Also, it is far easier to go off the handle with the anonymity of the Internet. You can afford to be touchy because you can walk away from it so easily. In every day life, we are confronted by annoyances and opinions which we don't agree with regularly. But the truth of the matter is that if we made a big deal out of every slight, we wouldn't be able to leave the house. Online, all we need do is turn off the machine and go about our day.

I'm not sure what my point is only that taking everything you read online as a personal attack is useless and counterproductive. And yes, my inbox was full of Pro's waving their virtual pitchforks and cheering their compadres on. My only thought was perhaps the energy they spent on the topic should have been poured into their writing.

There are enough serious matters in the real world without finding them in the virtual one.

Yeah, I'm a little cantankerous tonight. First, my kids are home for spring break and they are driving me nuts. As soon as I sit down at the computer, they surround me like rabid piranhas. Second, I got a notice from the water company that they are shutting my water off tomorrow all day. To say I'm not happy is a gross understatement. Its bad enough they've been digging up the only direct street to my house, now they shut the water off during spring break. No, I didn't whip off an angry email, I called them and let if fly. Like they care. No good SOB's and they are applying for a rate hike. Ah well, aggravation seems to trigger my creativity.

Easter

I realized Saturday that Easter was this weekend. I'm not a particularly religious person, but it is a holiday where the family gathers together.

We used to go out to one of the hotels for a big champagne brunch, but as the family got larger and the prices got higher, we decided to make brunch an at-home thing. Guess who hosts?

I don't mind hosting, I like to cook and I have the biggest house, so it is logical. But I have so much to do, I wish I had thought of this last week. DH warns me not to do too much and my in laws are telling me not to have as much food as I usually do. Not sure why they care, they aren't the ones doing the cooking. If I want to have a huge spread, I will. I cheat a lot, though. I get the croissants, muffins and danishes at Costco. I will probably get some of those little quiches as well. My mom got a chocolate fountain for Christmas so I'm going to set that up. And then there is the whole Easter Bunny thing.

I still haven't bought candy and I usually get the kids a little present from the Easter Bunny. My mom also gives them Easter baskets as well.

Do any of you have Easter traditions? Or Passover? I know that is occurring this week as well. Do you serve special dishes for Seder or Easter? Anyone have a good recipe for eggs benedict?

In Writing News...

I've signed up for a BIAW this week and so far have a big fat goose egg to show for it. My kids are home this week so I'm having a heck of a time finding the patience and focus required to write.

May 21

I got this from Tori's blog. She asked that we go to
Wiki and list three "fun" things, two birthdays and one death that happened on our birthday, so here's mine:

Events
1881 - The American Red Cross is established by Clara Barton.
1904 - Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) founded in Paris.
1936 - Sada Abe is arrested after wandering the streets of Tokyo for days with her dead lover's severed genitals in her hand. Her story soon became one of Japan's most notorious scandals

Births
427 BC - Plato, Greek philosopher (d. 347 BC)
1952 - Mr. T, American actor

Death
2000 - Barbara Cartland, English author (b. 1901)

Ch-Ch-Changes

As you can see, I'm into making changes. With the advent of spring, I'm eager to see the changes all around, including my blog. Anyway, I'm still playing around with it, so I probably won't post until Monday.

Opening Day


I've noticed a change in me this week. There is a lightness of heart, a feeling of hope which I did not feel two weeks ago. Yes, Spring is here.

Yeah, yeah, I know, it came in March, but spring doesn't come to my house until the first pitch. A joy invades our home, a sense that this could be the year. Well, being a Dodger fan, I don't have much hope for a playoff season, but still...

Baseball means a great deal to me. It is tied to so many memories, good memories, memories I continue to build upon. I remember being a little kid and playing softball then heading to Dodger Stadium to watch Steve Garvey and Steve Yeager play. I remember going to Angel Stadium, seeing Nolan Ryan pitching his last complete game, realizing how much in love I was with my boyfriend. We got engaged the next week.

When dh and I have nothing else to talk about, when things are rough, we always have baseball. We watch Super Vlad pound them out of the park, and while I'm not a big Angel fan (after all they are in the American League. Designated hitter, need I say more?) I feel my hubby's enthusiasm. Baseball is played in beautiful places full of history. In fact, baseball itself has a place in history. It bonds generations, gives people something to talk about. Yeah, the recent fiascos of steroid use and obnoxiously high player salaries have tarnished its image, but its symbolism to me and my family still remains shining like a beacon.

Oh yeah...

On Search for the Good Life, I share my latest epiphany thanks to a small household gadget. I swear, I go through epiphanies like some people go through Kleenex.

Sunday Dinner
Tonight we had an old fashioned Sunday dinner. My husband barbecued chicken and we had steamed spinach, cauliflower and artichoke, all picked out by him and our daughter at the farmer's market this morning. It is a tradition I'd like to establish, a large meal at the dining room table with flowers and a feeling of family. Too often during the week meals are a rushed matter, usually skinless boneless chicken breasts with a rice dish and frozen veggies. The meal is hurried and over before anyone has time to enjoy it.

Tonight we lingered over our meal. Hubby also made strawberry lemonade from homegrown lemons and strawberries from the farmers market. It was pleasant sitting with the kids simply enjoying the fact of being together and eating a good meal. Tomorrow we go back to our routines and while I'm a pretty good cook, Monday through Friday tends to have the rushed feel of getting through a meal between activities and bedtime.

While I do spend a great amount of time on tirades about my kids, sitting with them tonight made me appreciate what I have. I think it is important to have these moments with those you care about, to take the time to fix a good dinner and enjoy one another's company.

I'll be back to whining tomorrow.

All Mine

Mark asks the question if we tell others we are writers. When someone asks us what we do for a living, do we tell them we write?

I don't. I'm not embarrassed and I'm not too concerned about what people think. The simple fact of the matter is I don't like to share it. Writing means a great deal to me. It is a personal means of expression and I don't take it lightly. Also it is one of the few things I have in my life that is mine and mine alone.

I have found over the years that I have gone from a self-involved twentysomething singleton to a thirtysomething stay at home mom. For those of you who are stay at home caregivers, you understand how so much of what you once were must be abandoned for what you are now. I'm not saying it is bad, but it is a progression. Most of my waking hours are devoted to taking care of my family and home. That includes the mental part of anticipating the needs of my family.

I'm not staying people with jobs have it easier, but when I worked full time, I had eight hours a day where someone else made the decisions about my kids. Someone else worried about getting the house clean. And I shared cooking duties with my dh. Also, I was more apt to share my writing with my co-workers. In fact, I wrote a book that I passed along to them strictly for theirs and my enjoyment. I talked about my writing more.

What's the difference? I think my writing is the one selfish thing I do. I don't go on weekends away with the gals, I don't shop beyond Target, I don't do bunco and I don't even watch t.v. for myself. Writing is the one thing I do where I am only trying to please myself. Does any of this make sense?

The Internal Editor

Writers know they need to develop a working relationship with their internal editor. If they don't, they tend to either be stuck in a writer's block the size of Montana or they write garbage unworthy of the paper it is printed on.

Internal editing is an instinct which is there but needs to be trained. Everything we know about writing, all those classes and books, get stored in the part of our brain where the editor resides, at least it should. When we write, there should be a little guy sitting on our shoulder offering tips and opinions but it shouldn't be crippling.

I work pretty well with my internal editor. Its timing is a little off. This morning while I was putting laundry in the dryer it pointed out my story had a weak portion. People who read vampire novels don't want to hear about the paneling in the house. When I got the wash going, I went back to my WIP and read the portion in question. Yep, it slowed the story down. While it served a purpose, giving some backstory and set up, the same thing could be accomplished further into the story. What was important was dragging my readers into an action-packed tale of love and passion, not a treatise on interior design. So mouse in hand, I deleted and sure enough, the story picked back up again.

How do you get your internal editor to be a helper rather than a hindrance? You are a writer because you enjoy it. You write because something inside compels you to express yourself through words. You write because there is a story inside that needs to be given life. You have control. The internal editor works for you. Trust what it says, but it isn't always right. Too often it is just spitting out dictates from rules others have said. Make it play by your rules.

On the flip side, when the internal editor is telling you something, don't ignore it. The editor holds the knowledge which could improve your craft. You may not like what it has to say, but you need to trust it as well. Even if you don't agree with what the internal editor says, it is worth looking for another option. Between the writer and the internal editor, there is a middle ground.

I'm cleaning my fridge right now and it tends to make me thoughtful. Some of the things I have found in there would frighten the most vicious of beasts. I was going to blog about my 3 year old but the number of expletives was excessive even for me.

Reclusive
First, I must say, I'm having a hard time focusing. My coffee maker died yesterday and I haven't had a chance to replace it. I feel as if I have an open wound on my body, a deep, gaping chasm in my psyche which can only be filled by Mr. Coffee or one of his companions. Which leads me to meat of my post:

I have to leave my house today and go shopping. I hate leaving my house. I'm becoming a hermit. I've always had these tendencies anyway. I was an only child and I enjoyed my solitude. But I find as I get older and more focused on writing and other things, the less I want to leave my haven. No, I'm not agoraphobic, I don't being out, I just resent the time it takes me from my home. I force myself to do extra stuff because I do fear I will become too comfortable in my solitude.

Is it the writer in me which is more at ease with the world in my head rather than the one at large? Perhaps I like my home because it is the one place I have the most control. I have a whole wide world at my fingertips when I sit down at my computer. It's usually more interesting than the one outside. I crave my alone time. Of course, it also may be because it is the one thing I cannot have.

If you are beholden to care for another be it child, parent or pet, you know that feeling of having your time dictated to some extent by another. The more dependents you have, the more you crave your own time.

Whether it is a case of me wanting to be a recluse or being childish and craving my solitude like a kids craving candy, I'm not sure.

I do know that the grass is always greener. When I worked full-time, I'd watch the stay at home moms with their kids going to Target or wherever and I was green with envy. Now when I go to Target and see the moms stopping by on their lunch hour, I'm green with envy. Perhaps all I'm feeling is the very human trait of never being satisfied. I suppose if we were easily pleased, we would have nothing to work for.

Good post....

Writers, Kelly has an interesting post on POV & deep POV.

Talent without Passion

Chrys* talks about reading something you really enjoy and wanting to try it yourself with miserable results. I couldn't write chick lit if it would save my life. I do enjoy reading it from time to time, but I can't emulate it.

But what about the opposite? Can you write something you don't feel passionately about? I love historical romance and I love writing it. But paranormal comes easier for me. I have a knack as it were. I started a contemporary paranormal and I'm having no problems writing it. It's like auto-pilot for me. I like paranormal romance, I enjoy reading it. But it doesn't hold the same place in my heart as historical does.

How often have you heard the advice you must write what you love? But do you? Has anyone else had this experience? Does our passion and heart get in the way sometimes when we are writing?

And the same goes for other things. I bake a mean lemon meringue pie...so I've been told. I can't stand lemon meringue pie so I have to rely on the opinions of others. I hate eggs over easy but I am almost flawless at cooking them. Same goes for canning. DH loves my pickles and jalapenos. I would rather be stretched on a rack then try them.

Do you have talents or abilities which don't impress you much?

Tumultuous Week

This has been a rough week around my house. My hubby has been in trial all week (he's a lawyer, not a defendant). The stress level has been pretty high. He is a sole practitioner so not only does he have the trial to worry about but when he gets home he has his other clients to worry about. His work schedule has disrupted life at home and things have been a little strained.

But enough about him. What's important is how this affects me.

The kids sense when things are crazy and like the velociraptors they are, they go for the juggler on all sides. They have been driving me crazy. Hubby is either snappish or euphoric, depending on how court went. And I'm just riding the wave.

Now here's the crazy part. I've been writing like a madwoman. I put out 6 solid pages yesterday, 3 the day before. Tuesday had me out of the house and doing other stuff but Monday I wrote 1500 words. I guess this happened to be how I dealt with the stress. Some stress cripples me, other sets me free.

Anyway, the trial is over, hubby won. His client was so happy he handed him $100 and told him to go out to dinner. So we took the kids out to dinner at a steakhouse. Not particularly relaxing but the kids got a kick out of it. I hope I can keep the momentum and keep writing. He doesn't have another trial until May.

GH & RITA

Today is the day! I've been watching my email and Melynda Beth Skinner's Unofficial List of 2006 Golden Heart® and RITA® Award Finalists for names of people I know. Good luck to all of you.

For those of you who don't know, this is like the Academy Awards for romance writers. RITA's are for published, Golden Heart is for unpublished.

You Said WHAT????

I firmly believe in saying what I want when I want. I don't care for censorship and the like. But I also believe if one is going to write something which is going to be seen wide and far on the Internet, one should be prepared for the reprisals.

I censor myself. I try not to swear too much in my posts. I don't bash on too many people except for my kids. I've written blog posts and paused before I hit "publish post," what if my MIL read this? Hubby has been known to peruse my blog now and then, what if he read this? Or my mother finally figured out the Internet and found my blog? Then I end up deleting it. There are repercussions for what we say and I have been burned before.

I'm not saying my opinions aren't valid or the problem isn't worth talking about, but sometimes I have to think if it is worth it. Sometimes it is. If you annoy someone in the process, oh well. Things need to be said. The only thing is that you need to be prepared for what comes of it.

Anyway, there is a point here. I was researching an agent today when a blog popped up during my search. This person went off on a rant about this agent, calling this agent names and encouraging the readers to try and make this agency's life hell. The blogger even posted the rejection letter that set her off.

I winced.

So she doesn't like this person. Okay, fine. But to make such a production over it shocked me. I wonder if this blogger realizes how damaging such a rant could be in the future? Perhaps an agent is looking at her work and happens to check out her blog. Are they really going to be that interested in representing her after reading her diatribe?

The Internet is a very little place where news travels at the speed of a "send" button. We've seen it happen time and time again.

Have you seen people post things on their blog that surprised you or you found distasteful? Has it influenced you to quit reading their blog? Or if it was an author, did it discourage you from buying their books? No need for names, just curious.

I was going to talk about my daughter's uncanny ability for playing "Punch-Buggy" but I thought this topic was more relevant.

Haunted

Yesterday when I opened my WIP, I accidentally opened another. It was one I started awhile ago and I'd done 22 pages. I re-read it and had to hold myself back from working on it. Great action, good characters but no plot. I remember why I stopped working on it, but I can't help but be haunted. Is it a sign I should be working on it? Probably, but I have four WIP's that are all plotted out with developed characters, stories I know I can finish. But I can't help but think about it. Do you have a WIP that haunts you?

I have plenty of story idea I haven't worked on for one reason or another. For some reason, this one keeps coming back to me. Perhaps one day the wall will crumble and a story will spill out. I guess I need to keep myself open to it.

BTW...

Went to the gym today and wrote 1500 words yesterday. I'm just getting started on the writing thing now, so I hope I can get a respectable amount in tonight.

Bad, Bad Girl

That's what my friend Melissa called me. Why? Because she asked me how I was doing on my writing goals and if I had been writing them down in my calendar as I said I would at the beginning of the year. And I had to tell her no.

Ughh....my goal setting has fallen by the wayside. If it weren't for BIAW's I'd have no goals. Why do I let my goals go? I don't think it is anything deep-seated, just scattered and I haven't pressed myself to do anything about it. I have the tools, I have the know-how, just not the motivation.

Today would be a good day to write. My kids are at school and my folks just picked up my little one for a shopping trip. But I can feel my attention slide. Some of it comes from the fact that I'm tired. Not that I haven't been getting any sleep, but the exhaustion that comes from too many days of the same routine, too many days trapped in a house with a bunch of kids, too many days of putting my writing on hold while I do something else.

I surrender, I need to schedule my writing like I do my housecleaning. Is there a Flylady for writing? A mentor could send out a gazillion emails reminding a writer what they need to be doing. "Did you do your morning routine?" "Did you shine your last chapter?" "Five minute POV check."

The same could be said for working out. I haven't been doing that either and I wonder why I'm not losing weight. I fully believe exercise is beneficial for the mind and soul as well as the body. And it isn't the actually the workout that bothers me. It's the prep and the time it takes out of my day. It really isn't that bad, but I've made such a mental block of it, I tend to give up.

So what's the answer? Perhaps I should sit down every morning with my first cup of coffee and decide what I want to accomplish for the day. I should write it down in my pretty, pastel date book and follow it. Maybe I should by a pack of gold star stickers and stick them on my forehead when I've complete a goal. Well, maybe not because then I would look like a big doofus. But perhaps some small reward: 10 mins. of game time on the Gamecube or something like that.

Do you live by a schedule? Do you write it down? Does it help?

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted....

We've decided to go on a family vacation this summer. We are thinking Hawaii but dh is drawn to the idea of Bermuda. I've been to Bermuda and can't imagine spending a week there, but it is an option. I'm also looking at some of the all-inclusives down in the Caribbean.

I have learned a few things.

We really shouldn't have had that third kid.

Most vacation packages for families are designed for 2 parents and 2 kids. You pay for that fifth wheel, let me tell you.

Going in the summertime is really, really expensive. When the kids were younger, dh and I would go on vacations by ourselves. We would go in September to Hawaii and get the benefit of Fall prices. I'm thinking of maybe jerking the kids out of school for a week. I don't think they would suffer much but dh is pretty old fashioned on such ideas. He might not go for it.

I would like to stay someplace that has planned activities for the kids. All dh wants to do is lay on the beach. I said that was fine, but one of us was going to have to watch the kids at all times. While I will be happy to take my turn, he is going to have to share the burden. He did suggest we leave the youngest behind. I didn't think that was fair. We took her sister to Hawaii when she was younger, so I don't think it would be right not to take her. We've also thought about bringing a relative to help chase the kids. An added expense but probably not too much.

If anyone has any great ideas, please post them. I'm a sponge at this point.

Read In

When my son was in 1st-2nd-3rd grade (he was in the same class for 3 years) their teacher would reward them for good behavior with a read in. On that day, they could dress in their pajamas, bring sleeping bags and blankets, they have special snacks and they spent the bulk of the school day reading. Doesn't that sound delightful? I remember my son loving those days, bringing one of his books and packing up his sleeping bag to spend the day lounging around and reading.

I want a read in day.

Wouldn't it be great to camp out in the middle of the room with a blanket and your favorite drink, being told that all you have to do is sit and read.

Reading has always been a joy for me, but over the years I haven't been able to read as much or as often as I would like. Mostly I don't have the time in between taking care of my kids and writing. But also, I find my attention is too easily distracted or I'm too lazy. Sometimes it is easier to sit down and watch t.v. than pick up a book. I have friends that will sit down with a book and let the world go by, not worrying about a thing, but I can't do that. As much as I like to immerse myself, I'm too aware of what has to be done to surrender to a good book. Vacation is when I do most of my reading. Dh and I pack a suitcase full of books, find a beach and start reading.

Do you find you read more or less these days? Are you able to block out the world when you have a good book? What are some of your strategies to getting more reading done?

BTW, sorry, yesterday's post was a mess of typos. I hate that. I was suffering from a severe lack of Diet Coke when I typed it. Hopefully I did better this time around.

When I Grow Up, I'm Going to Write.....

Kelly asked on her blog what made us decide to be writers. I think for many, it was a question we could rattle off the answer to. Love of books, compulsion, etc. But I'm curious, are you writing what you thought you would write? I write romance. I've never had any urge to write anything else. Never have I wanted to write a masterpiece which would move mountains or win me a Nobel Prize.

When I was in college, I took heat because I wanted to write romance novels. The more lurid, the better. I'll say it, it was the 80's, I wanted to write "bodice rippers." You would think my the reactions I got from my fellow students that I wanted to go out and club baby seals. But it is the only form of fiction I've ever had a desire to write. I'm educated, fairly bright, not particularly profound, I'm a woman who has found her limitations.

Not that I have anything against literary fiction or other genres. I read plenty of other things. I adore Steinbeck. Heck, I like to read Thomas Hardy. But interest in writing has always been limited.

So what about you? Did you dream of creating a novel so profound it would change the world? Did you want to be the next Dashiell Hammett or Harper Lee? Are you happy with what you write?

Other stuff...

I posted at Ainsley Park about keeping the faith as a historical writer when all your told is that the market is too tight.

Snow Days

Most people think I live in Southern California so I can party with Lindsay Lohan or sit and exchange child-rearing tips with Britney Spears over lattes. But no, the real reason is the weather. I like the lack of seasons, I like the warmth and the sunshine. I don't crave a white Christmas.

It snowed yesterday. HELLO?????

We were out at a museum up near my house. When we got out, it was pouring rain. Dh comments that is hail. Looking down at my jacket, I realized it wasn't hail but snow. It melts as soon as it hits the ground, but it is so cold here. The highs yesterday didn't get above 40 degrees F. Gimme a break. My kids don't even own a cold weather jacket. This morning I woke up to my entire yard frozen over. This is bad news because a bunch of my trees are blooming. My citrus trees are going to take it pretty hard. I guess it is an excuse to drink hot buttered rums. Like I need an excuse....

On the writing front....

I'm still working on my voice workshop. I love doing workshops and articles because they keep me in the game even if my own writing is at a halt. I tend to pick topics that I'm working on for myself or have given me trouble. Doing a workshop helps me get through my own problems. My last topic was about how to find the strengths one's writing and apply it to developing a voice. I really think all writers have a voice, but sometimes it needs to be cultivated. If a writer can find their strengths, they can find their voice that much faster.

I felt like giving up on my historical again for no particular reason, so I worked on something completely different. After punching out a few pages of a new project, I turned back to my historical and felt renewed vigor for it. It really is a good story and the characters are strong. It seems to flow pretty well. Where I get stuck is when the hero or heroine are in a narrative section. I'd rather do dialogue but sometimes continuity requires explanation.

One Last Kid Post...

You can always tell when my kids are on my nerves because I tend to blog more about them and parenting than I would like. I truly like to keep my blog posts evenly mixed with writing and parenting, but sometimes one topic wins out over another. Right now its those @#%^%^&**&% kids of mine. Yeah, I know there really isn't an expletive that long, but they deserve their own special curse word right now.

Anyway, I've heard parents of teenagers talk about how the kids ravage their house after a trip to the grocery store. I'm finding that mine are doing the same thing and they are a ways from the teen years. I filled up my pantry yesterday and a bunch of the stuff is gone. The apples have been looted. The Pop Tarts are gone. The sourdough bagette disappeared the day I got it. My dh managed to get one sandwich out of the lunch meat I bought. They are barbarians, I tell you. I keep my pantry locked with a chain lock but they have figured out how to unhook it with a broom handle. So today while I was fixing the toilet upstairs that they broke, they were downstairs sneaking into the pantry. Of course they don't clean up after themselves until I explode.

I've tried having a "snack time" when they get home from school and have a decent snack for them, but they will still look for more food. I don't get it. My son can't keep weight on him. His sister is pretty active so I can understand her and the pre-schooler likes the challenge of breaking into the pantry. She likes sugar.

Anyway, my dread is what happens in another five years when these kids hit their teens. I'll live my life at the grocery store.

How Do They Do It?

I ran into a mom I knew from my kids' school during the waning days of summer. We chatted a bit in the grocery aisle about summer and she told me she was sorry to see it go. She was going to miss her kids. I think my face petrified like a fossil. It was the only way not to scream: "ARE YOU NUTS??????" When I go to school, I watch the other moms, eager to get their kids home because that is what their lives revolve around. I can't imagine it. These are women with law degrees, ph.d's, brains up the whazoo...but they cashed it all in to be full time mothers. They seem to tackle the chores of motherhood with the ferocity and focus of supernatural beings. And I wonder how they do it.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and, well, usually enjoy being a mother. But it isn't my entire world. My life revolves around my kids simply because it does, not from my desire to make them the center of my universe. My interests go way beyond children. Perhaps it was the way I was raised or maybe the quirk in my personality, but I couldn't imagine making my kids the only thing in my life.

Many of these women didn't start having kids until they were in their 40's and they seemed to have stopped with two. But when you talk to them, all they can talk about is their kids, the school, the sports, the dance classes, playdates, etc. It is as if they never had a previous life. I never hear them yelling at their kids. I can't imagine them telling their kids to "stop it because I said so." They explain things. I don't have the patience.

In some ways I envy them the joy they take in motherhood. To be able to immerse themselves in their children's lives so completely and seem content to do so is beyond my comprehension. I'm always longing for something more. Writers understand that craving for time to write, time to focus, etc. But even if I didn't write, I'd have something else that occupied my mind.

I do wonder, however, what happens when their kids hit high school and the last thing they want is their moms breathing down their necks. I wonder what happens then?

Back to Writing....

Do you recognize your voice when you are writing? If you do, what kinds of things do you do to cultivate it?

I'm running a workshop at Romance Central's forums on finding and developing the writing voice. Some people have a distinctive voice right out of the box. They write and it is immediately recognizable. Some writers take years to develop their own voice and the road can be rocky.

First, there are "da rules." Writers know all about these rules that tell us what we can and can't write, what will and won't work. But too often we takes these rules as gospel rather than guidelines. We get so concerned that we are not fitting into the mold required, we dilute our voices. Then there are the cp's. A good cp will recognize your voice and critique your work without changing it. I've had cp's who have literally re-written sentences in their voice because that is what they prefer. A good cp may not like your voice, but they will respect it as yours and help you polish your work.

If you haven't recognized your voice, how do you do it? It isn't that easy. But read through your work and look at word choices. Keep a rhythm in your head when your read. Look at themes you follow in your writing. I think the biggest eye opener for me was when I ran into some writing I did about 18 years ago. The word choices were the same, the structure of the sentences followed the same cadence as I have today. It lacked in other areas, but the voice was definitely mine.

For me, the biggest pitfall with voice is my choice of projects. Its like clothes shopping. I am always drawn to outfits that look horrible on me. I know they will, but I go ahead and try them on anyway then gag when I look in the mirror. Writing is similar. I have some harebrained idea for a novel, get about 10 or more pages into it then gag in the mirror. It isn't the writing, but the voice is all wrong. Matching the wrong voice to the wrong project takes all the spark out of it. I think we've all read a book by a favorite author that lacked that spark we liked so much. I think there has been a rash of authors jumping from the books which fit their voices into stories that are more marketable.

I'm Just a Girl

This is my six year old, the princess of the family. And this is what she looks like on the weekend. This morning she helped her dad in the yard. He bought her a special set of tools just for the job.

And here she is on third, ready to score. She plays Little League, Farm division. But she does it with a pink batting helmet, cleats with pink stripes, pink batting gloves and a pink set of sleeves. Some of her team mates only wish they could throw like a girl. By the way, her hair is dyed red to match her uniform.

My bet is she will grow up to host her own show on HGTV while dating handsome Major League Baseball players.

Kisses

Earlier today I had typed out a diatribe about my kids and how they were driving me insane. After reading it, I realized it was too whiny even for me. So I went to the gym. Amazing how exercise can clear the mind. Then I went to Target. There is nothing like a sweet trip to Target to soothe the savage beast. While I was there, I picked up some Herhey's Kisses filled with Peanut Butter. I'm a sucker for these little guys. So I have a question for you. How do you feel about Hershey's Kisses? Are you a purist and will only eat the milk chocolate in their bright silver foil or are you an adventurous type? Kisses website can give you a rundown on their products although I noticed they are missing at least one. I got the Hugs with Strawberry at Valentine's Day. They were okay but not my favorite. My favorite I think is the Kisses with Almonds. But these peanut butter ones are pretty tasty.